RunningAHEAD - Topic: Official RA Joke Thread!

16 17 18 19 202122 23 24 25 26

Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 4552 times)

mirko

posted: 3/20/2008 at 11:56 PM

An elderly couple went to see their doctor for their annual physical. Upon completion of their physical their doctor said they were both in good health and asked if they had any questions. The couple both said they were having a problem remembering things and always forgeting appointments or special events. The doctor advised them to carry a pad of paper and write things down so they wouldn't forget.
Next day the husband asked his wife if she would get him a bowl of ice cream and he said,
" Write it down so you won't forget " As she was leaving he said, " and as long as your going, put some strawberries on top of the ice cream " and he said, " Write it down so you won't forget "
Then as she was leaving he said, " and as long as your going put some whip cream on top of it all "
and then said, "Write it down so you won't forget " Well she left and came back with two baked eggs sunnyside up and bacon. The husband then said, " I told you to write it down so wouldn't forget because you forgot the TOAST. Big grin

Run To Win view log Blaine Moore	posted: 3/24/2008 at 1:25 PM

	Run to Win I just started using Twitter - anybody else on there? http://twitter.com/RunToWin

Mississippi view log	posted: 3/24/2008 at 1:31 PM
	Oh that's bad !!! Funny though!!
	"You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times so take a good look around. You may not know it now but you're gonna miss this" ~ Trace Adkins RunningAhead.com Texas Independence Relay Team

Run To Win view log Blaine Moore	posted: 4/8/2008 at 5:34 PM
	Wit and Wisdom from Military manuals ==================================== 'If the Enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal ----------------------------- --------------------- 'It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you just bombed' - U.S. Air Force Manual ----------------------------- --------------------- 'Aim towards the Enemy' - Instructions printed on U.S.Rocket Launcher ----------------------------- --------------------- 'When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.' - U.S. Marine Corps ----------------------------- --------------------- 'Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed Always to hit the ground.' - USAF Ammo Troop --------------------------------------------------- 'Whoever said the pen is mightier then the sword obviously never encountered Automatic weapons.' - General MacArthur --------------------------------------------------- 'Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.' - Infantry Journal --------------------------------------------------- 'You, you, and you. Panic. The rest of you come with me.' - U.S. Marine Gunnery Sgt ---------------------------------------------------- 'Tracers work both ways.' - U.S. Army Ordnance ---------------------------------------------------- 'Five second fuses only last three seconds' - Infantry Journal --------------------------------------------------- 'Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to Do anything.' - U.S. Navy Swabbie ---------------------------------------------------- 'Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.' - David Hackworth ----------------------------------------------------- 'If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush.' - Infantry Journal ----------------------------- ----------------------- 'No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.' - Joe Gay ------------------------------------------------------ 'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.' - Unknown ------------------------------------------------------ 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' - Unknown Marine Recruit ------------------------------------------------------- 'Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.' ---------------------------- ------------------------- 'If you see a bomb technician running, follow him.' - USAF Ammo Troop ------------------------------------------------------- ' 'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot) ------------------------------------------------------- 'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines In the sky.' - From an old carrier sailor ------------------------------------------------------ 'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and therefore, unsafe.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough Power left to get you to the scene of the crash.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up.... The pilot dies.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'Never trade luck for skill.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: 'Why is it doing that?', 'Where are we?' And 'Oh S...!' ----------------------------- ------------------------ 'Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to complete the Flight successfully.' ------------------------------ ----------------------- 'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag to store dead Batteries.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person On the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.' ----------------------------- -------------------------- 'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) -------------------------------------------------------- 'A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.' - Jon McBride, astronaut -------------------------------------------------------- 'If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.' - Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot ) ----------------------------- -------------------------- 'A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.' - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance. -------------------------------------------------------- 'Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.' - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970 -------------------------------------------------------- 'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.' ----------------------------- -------------------------- Basic Flying Rules: 'Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, Trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.' ----------------------------- ------------------------- 'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.' ----------------------------- -------------------------- As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?' The pilot's reply, 'I don't know, I just got here myself!' - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
	Run to Win I just started using Twitter - anybody else on there? http://twitter.com/RunToWin

Mtnchk1 view log Denver Marathon '08	posted: 4/22/2008 at 11:42 PM
	Warning for all of my friends - Thieves are out there! Watch out this could happen to you sooner than you think if it hasn't already. Theft Problem IMPORTANT MESSAGE: You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts. Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next? When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you? THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS! P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they ha d just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
	Remember that doing anything well is going to take longer than you think!! ~ Masters Group

Purdey view log 2012?	posted: 4/30/2008 at 8:18 AM
	I went to the nurse for a check up last week. She said, "Mr X I'm afraid you are going to have to stop playing with yourself." "Why?" I asked. "Because I'm trying to examine you.!
	24hrs 100miles £10,000

Relocated NE

posted: 4/30/2008 at 3:36 PM

THREE LABRADOR DOGS

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they strike up a conversation

The black Lab turns to the chocolate Lab and says , 'So why are you here?'

The brown Lab replies, 'I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.'

The black Lab says , 'So what is the vet going to do?'

'Gonna cut my nuts off,' comes the reply from the chocolate Lab. 'They reckon it'll calm me down.'

The black Lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks , Why are you here?'

The yellow Lab says , 'I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.

But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners couch.'

'So what are they going to do to you?' the black Lab inquires .

'Looks like I'm losing my nuts too', the dejected yellow Lab says

The yellow Lab then turns to the black Lab and asks ,'Why are you here?'

'I'm a humper,' the black Lab says . 'I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.

Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away'

The yellow and chocolate Labs exchange a sad glance and say , 'So, nuts off for you too, huh?'

The black Lab says ....'No, I'm here to get my nails clipped.

sparky1 view log Soon to be Dad (Apr. 30)	posted: 5/1/2008 at 9:09 PM modified: 5/1/2008 at 9:10 PM
	What's the difference between a social worker and a pit bull? You can at least get part of your baby back from the pit bull
	Goals for 2009: Find the perfect jogging stroller Sub-3hr Marathon Contemplate an ultra

mgerwn view log Saturnalicius princeps	posted: 5/2/2008 at 1:10 AM modified: 5/2/2008 at 1:11 AM
	Quote from sparky1 on 5/1/2008 at 9:09 PM: What's the difference between a social worker and a pit bull? You can at least get part of your baby back from the pit bull Man, is my DW gonna be pissed at you!
	Michael Rev'd 2008 Goals: 180#s \| 1000K 2008 Races: \| Christopher Martin's 5K 2009 Goals: Less than 160# \| Run more, and more consistently \| 2K miles \| Sub 4 hr marathon \| Sub 23:00 5K \| 100 pushups challenge 2009 Races:\| NJ Marathon \| New Haven 20K \| NYC Marathon \| Monkey IV "The race goes not always to the swift, but to those that keep running."

sparky1 view log Soon to be Dad (Apr. 30)	posted: 5/2/2008 at 3:34 PM modified: 5/2/2008 at 3:35 PM
	Quote from mgerwn on 5/2/2008 at 1:10 AM: Man, is my DW gonna be pissed at you! I can take it. My social workerish wife already dishes it out pretty good. I try to give her a weekly social work joke. Another two for your consideration: -How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They form a committee and write a paper on coping with darkness. -In a perfect world, what would a social worker say to their clients? Do you want fries with that?
	Goals for 2009: Find the perfect jogging stroller Sub-3hr Marathon Contemplate an ultra

Run To Win view log Blaine Moore	posted: 5/2/2008 at 5:22 PM
	Quote from sparky1 on 5/1/2008 at 9:09 PM: What's the difference between a social worker and a pit bull? You can at least get part of your baby back from the pit bull Did you hear about the guy at a Detroit Tigers game who got a couple of lemonades for himself and his 7 year old son, only to be told by security that he had given alcohol to his kid (it was listed as Mike's Lemonade, and he didn't know that it had alcohol.) His kid got taken away from him for a week by social services before the judge gave his kid back to him. Nobody from security to the cop to the courts thought that the guy purposely tried to get his kid drunk (or that the kid had drank enough to get drunk for that matter.) Social services apparently felt that the father was unfit to care for his child until he got up to speed on the adult beverages industry. The saddest part? This is a true story. http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080428/COL04/804280375/1081
	Run to Win I just started using Twitter - anybody else on there? http://twitter.com/RunToWin

sparky1 view log Soon to be Dad (Apr. 30)	posted: 5/2/2008 at 5:35 PM
	That is crazy and disgusting. Another classic case of stupid an inflexible bureacracy. Egads. And to think I work for "the man".
	Goals for 2009: Find the perfect jogging stroller Sub-3hr Marathon Contemplate an ultra

zoom-zoom view log Registered for #2	posted: 5/4/2008 at 1:29 AM
	An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
	Kirsten '07: 1324.5 mi '08: 1561 mi ... • Ladies Locker Room • .: 2009 Goals :. • Run 1750 miles • 2 marathons (May - Bayshore, Fall - ?) • PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k? ~ HM ~ 26.2 • 1st trail relay (North Country)

runnerclay view log	posted: 5/4/2008 at 1:37 AM
	zoom-zoom . Now thats good!
	Run until the trail runs out 2009 TARGET PILATES 5 TIMES A WEEK 2009 RUN MIN. 4 TIMES A WEEK 2009 TARGET 40/40

Run To Win view log Blaine Moore	posted: 5/6/2008 at 3:46 PM
	The Hokey Pokey -- Shakespearean Style! O proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke. A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke. Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl. The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
	Run to Win I just started using Twitter - anybody else on there? http://twitter.com/RunToWin

16 17 18 19 202122 23 24 25 26