Beginners and Beyond

Christmas gatherings bring ironic comments (Read 907 times)

kristin10185


I race in SparkleSkirts

    Am I the only one with family members who have high/unreal expectations? My DD is constantly asking me if I've PRed, each time I race. I tell her that I cannot do it everytime, that it requires more time in training, more experience and enough rest between efforts. She then looks at me like I'm making excuses. My mother tells her friends that I run marathons which are 42 miles long. I say "No, mom, they're 42 KILOMETERS, not miles..." "Oh!" she says, sounding disappointed... Then, she forgets what I told her and makes the same mistake a week later. As for my sister, she almost took a fit when I told her I was going to Boston to have fun, to reward myself. She said "No way! You have to go there as a competitor, otherwise, what's the point? The whole family expects your best performance ever."  I hate exterior pressure. I create more than enough for myself already.

     

    No one else runs in my family (except for my SO who has started training seriously recently) and they have very little knowledge of the training and the sacrifices I have to make year round to run so many marathons. Yet, they talk about it like it is something very easy for me. It's not. Training is hard. Racing is stressful. It is not all that easy. Sometimes, when I don't PR in a race, I prefer not telling them that I just ran a race. This way, I don't have to see my failure in their eyes.

     

     

    Yikes! That is intense happylilly. I'm sorry they put so much pressure on you. However, on the bright side, it does show that your family respects what you do and is very very proud of you (even if it seems they are only proud when you PR, it seems they are proud of you for being a runner, especially by the way your mom likes to brag about you).

     

    I come from a VERY athletic family.... my dad was a 3 letter high school varsity athlete and was a college football star, and my brother a 2 letter HS athlete and a college golf star. However I think it helps that while I always played and enjoyed sports growing up I was never very good and always played just for fun. It was clear from day 1 that my brother would be the one following in my dad's footsteps and that I would not. So everyone has always had very low expectations for me athletic-wise. But they have always supported me anyway. However I have always had the pressure academically. And my brother has had a lot more pressure in sports. Also for me, my mom is always on me about my weight. She has always thought I am heavier than I should be (I'm not fat, but I'm not a stick either) and puts a lot of pressure on me to lose weight always. Sometimes she can be rather mean about it. I guess every family has something.

     

    I honestly think your family is very proud of you and your running accomplishments, and this is this is how they show it. No one from the outside can understand what truly goes into it. Have you tried telling them how it makes you feel?

     

    Hugs for you!

    PRs:   5K- 28:16 (5/5/13)      10K- 1:00:13 (10/27/13)    4M- 41:43 (9/7/13)   15K- 1:34:25  (8/17/13)    10M- 1:56:30 (4/6/14)     HM- 2:20:16 (4/13/14)

     

    I started a blog about running :) Check it out if you care to

      PF33 - in your comments, I noticed that your DDs both run. Obviously, your positive influence and your home environment have created a healthy approach to exercise and food.  You can be a beacon to only those who will open their eyes.

      “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” - T.S. Eliot

      MrNamtor


      DON'T TREAD ON ME

        Am I the only one with family members who have high/unreal expectations? My DD is constantly asking me if I've PRed, each time I race. I tell her that I cannot do it everytime, that it requires more time in training, more experience and enough rest between efforts. She then looks at me like I'm making excuses. My mother tells her friends that I run marathons which are 42 miles long. I say "No, mom, they're 42 KILOMETERS, not miles..." "Oh!" she says, sounding disappointed... Then, she forgets what I told her and makes the same mistake a week later. As for my sister, she almost took a fit when I told her I was going to Boston to have fun, to reward myself. She said "No way! You have to go there as a competitor, otherwise, what's the point? The whole family expects your best performance ever."  I hate exterior pressure. I create more than enough for myself already.

         

        No one else runs in my family (except for my SO who has started training seriously recently) and they have very little knowledge of the training and the sacrifices I have to make year round to run so many marathons. Yet, they talk about it like it is something very easy for me. It's not. Training is hard. Racing is stressful. It is not all that easy. Sometimes, when I don't PR in a race, I prefer not telling them that I just ran a race. This way, I don't have to see my failure in their eyes.

         

        You know i wonder if that isn't just a misspoken sort of admiration on their part. Like they're trying to tell you that you're a hero to them. I'm just pulling that out of my ass bc i don't know your family. But I could see that maybe being the case.

        MrNamtor


        DON'T TREAD ON ME

          My wife and i are staying in nyc with friends. Our friends are not in shape but they're not couch potatoes either, they're slender and busy and look very good for their age, worth 20 million dollars (don't ask me how i know this but i do), live on Central Park West, wife went to Brown and London School of Economics, husband went to Harvard etc etc.

           

          Tonight at dinner the wife of our host couple says that she's been reading a lot about how excessive running is bad for you and when she says it, i say that I agree. I mean, by definition "excessive" running, whatever that means, is bad, right?

           

          So after i say that i agree that excessive running is bad for you, she asks me "so why do you do it?".

           

          Now, I don't bring running up, but they know i have been running every morning and they asked how far i ran yesterday because i was gone for 2 hours and i told them I ran 12 miles. She thinks that running 12 miles at a time is excessive.

           

          This doesn't anger me though. It's kind of like what nakedbabytoes said - there are things i don't understand and there are things other people, even very smart and educated people don't understand. Whatever they think about running has absolutely nothing to do with my running. It's also not my job to educate them. And I don't feel the need to do so.

           

          That's just my attitude about running and criticism or misunderstanding about running.  As people who know me know, I do get upset about certain topics. But people not understanding running or having misinformation about it isn't one of them. But that is just me.

          MrNamtor


          DON'T TREAD ON ME

             

             

             

            I honestly think your family is very proud of you and your running accomplishments, and this is this is how they show it. No one from the outside can understand what truly goes into it. Have you tried telling them how it makes you feel?

             

            Hugs for you!

             

            I wrote my reply before seeing this, and i agree with this - this is what i was trying to say


            Muddling through

               

              When we finished, my morbidly obese father turned to my younger D (a nursing student) and said "Now explain to them how they are ruining their knees and joints and how bad it is to be a runner.". Blank stare from younger D,(who also runs for exercise), slow burn from me.  But I did manage to keep my snarky replies to myself.

               

               

              What a perfect opening to explain the pitfalls of running, how it strengthens the muscles, tendons, ligaments, and bones thereby adding stability to the knee joints and preventing injury, how it lowers BP and cholesterol, improves the cardiovascular system, and is great as part of a weight control or weight loss program.

              2014 Goals: Run first trail ultra, first 100K, and see what I can do in a 24-Hour race

              fourouta5


              Healed Hammy

                I love my Dad. But he is in denial regarding how negatively his weight affects his health and quality of life.

                 

                This is the most telling part of your story PF33, and how common it is in society.  It is so easy for those with weaknesses to deny them so they either dont have to deal with it, or denying it somehow justifies their actions.  I know you were not seeking answers with your post, allow us to commiserate with you.

                 

                On your next run as your knees deginerate, your ankles turn to mush and your body in general breaks down (hehe), think about him and channel him the patience you show, and the desire to improve ones health, body and mind that you practice.

                Just B.S.


                  Been there done that.........too many times...now we just ignore.....after all these years we still get the

                  "do you still do that running? aren't your knees shot yet"

                   

                  Hubby and I both run marathons  (our boys ran with us all thru their teens) and we are both from non-active

                  families. I've heard it all over the years.....including from people with obesity who have had knee operations

                  because of the weight.

                   

                  Mostly I ignore or if the comment is particurly ignorant I will say "sorry can you repeat that" and when they

                  do I say "hmmm, that's what I thought you said" and then move along with the conversation.

                  Philliefan33


                    PF33 - in your comments, I noticed that your DDs both run. Obviously, your positive influence and your home environment have created a healthy approach to exercise and food.  You can be a beacon to only those who will open their eyes.

                     

                    Well I like to think DH and I demonstrated and facilitated a healthy, active lifestyle as the girls were growing up.  But you can thank my daughters for getting me to run. About a year ago, they were gently teasing me that I couldn't even run  a mile (they were correct). I rose to the challenge....one mile led to a 5K and somewhere along the way I decided I like to run.   Now I run more often and longer distances than they do (but thefaster still much faster).

                     

                    George, I thought about bringing up the points in your post, but to keep the peace I did not.

                     

                    To add to the irony, my parents left early this morning so my father could see his doctor.  He has been having pain and numbness in his left leg.   I'm sure it has nothing to do with carrying around an extra 150 pounds.

                    Future Races:

                    5/4/14:  Bucks County Ten Miler

                    c0derunner


                      Gotta love family.  My sister in law said I was looking "gaunt" and that me attempting to lose weight and keep track of calories "sounds like a eating disorder."  I was stunned and dissapointed. Mainly due to it coming from her. She's a swimmer and she's actually in the normal weight range for her height. Wtf, SIL? The conversation cut short after that.

                       

                      Um, yeah. I was obese for a 6'0" male, and through a lot of work I'm still considered overweight (but now close to normal) on the standard BMI scale. It's been said on this forum before, but it just shows how skewed our perception of normal weight is.

                      Upcoming races: Detroit Free Press HM 10/19

                      aponi


                      never runs the tangents

                        My parents don't understand why I waste my time running races if I'm not going to win.

                         

                        They also don't think my cousin who is an IT guy is all that good with computers since he didn't know off the top of his head how to get some obscure DOS program my dad insists on using to work with Windows 7.

                        “Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan!” Doctor Who

                        MrNamtor


                        DON'T TREAD ON ME

                           


                          George, I thought about bringing up the points in your post, but to keep the peace I did not.

                           

                           

                          You know your parents will always push your buttons. THAT'S what makes the remarks tough.

                          FSocks


                          Gramps

                            This is why you never talk about running with non-runners.

                            Running is dumb. 


                            delicate taperer

                              My family literally did not ask me a single question about running this holiday season.

                              proud taperer

                              happylily


                                Kristin and Dan, I think you are both right about my family. Yes, they are proud of me. But my baby sister has blind unrealistic faith in me. I have always protected her, since we were children, and she thinks I'm a super woman in everything I do. I am not and I tell her that. But she does not believe me, because she still counts on me to be there for her.

                                 

                                My mom is slightly senile, she's been like that since she was 30... lol... To her, miles or kms, it's all the same thing. Running a marathon in 2 hours or 5 hours is the same thing. She likes talking about me, but without wanting to understand what it is that she is talking about... It makes for weird comments at times.  :-)

                                 

                                As for my DD, I think she is a bit jealous, sadly. She resents me for not being a traditional old mom. She does not exercise (she works and studies and has a busy social life). When I walk with her, on my good days, I am sometimes mistaken for her older sister. That's not cool, and I feel for her. I think she is putting pressure on me subcounsciously and she wants me to fail and feel disappointment at times  . Does that make sense? I know she loves me, but she is still searching for her own identity, she is still trying to impress herself through the eyes of others, and maybe she wishes it didn't seem so easy for me all the time (which it is not. I just don't share my difficulties with her).

                                PRs: Boston Marathon, 3:27, April 15th 2013

                                        Cornwall Half-Marathon, 1:35, April 27th 2013

                                4 years racing, 16 marathons, 16 BQs