Notes
Just did a short workout, because I was really angry with myself for not running today. Being so slow is actually a demotivator. Like, instead of going and doing an 8 mile run to get possibly faster, I literally told myself "Well, you worked hard all summer and look where it got you." I said that to myself. And I did not run. Wow. And then when I decided that I DID really want to go running, pain or no pain, I was already halfway to my house and it was too late, and then I just got angry at myself for giving up like that so I decided to work out, but my hip hurt and now I'm just even more upset than I was before. GRRRRRRR. I really need to get over this, and I thought I really had stopped caring, but then when I try to act upon that nonchalance, I upset myself for not caring more. I really just can't let it go. I don't even know why I still care, seeing as I'm not even on varsity. I think I'm still just hoping for a miracle, like what happened at Regionals my sophomore year. Like, the more I think about that, and the more I see how much progress I'm not making, going from the slowest kid on the team to the second fastest in the course of the season really does seem like a miracle. It's just a shame that I wasted my miracle allowance in two years, and I don't think God will give me an advance on the rest of my life's share.
"Where is the passion when you need it the most?
You kick up the leaves, and the magic is lost..."