Wedding weight loss vs running? (Read 1711 times)

Julia1971


    I don't get it. Go buy your own dress and let your mom look like a fool crying on your wedding day. People are going to wonder what's wrong with her rather than thinking your some kind of weight loss failure. This is going to sound harsh, but... If you want to go down this road - own it. You are 33 years old, which makes you a grown woman. It's time to stop blaming your choices on your mother. Women have lost weight for less noble reasons than wanting to make their cancer stricken mother happy, so, I'm kinda "meh" about your journey into disordered eating and exercise. But, don't pretend like you don't have a choice here. Because you do.

    You're too strong not to keep on keepin' on. - The Pips
    Yes, I am! - Gladys Knight

      Whose wedding is it, anyway?

       

      Dude, are you married? All weddings and their detailed appointments are the sole property of the bride's mother. The bride may at times believe she makes decisions but that is only because she didn't recognize the passive aggression Jedi mind tricks of her mother. 

       

        I think we all hope that in your priorities, you put your health at #1.  The others, losing weight, running a marathon, fitting into the wedding dress, and even pleasing your mum, should come after that.  Good luck.  BTW, sounds like your running pace is quite respectable, especially after you have been dealing with anemia.

        Well at least someone here is making relevance to the subject.


        DespiteMyself

          Oh my.

           

          I am sympathetic to your mom's health problems....however, is it really a good situation for your mom's happiness with you and your being able to feel she is proud of you to depend on you squeezing into an itty bitty undersized dress for a few hours?  I am afraid that under the pressure of the described circumstances, combining the weight loss you describe with a lot of training may get you into a dangerous place.  Please be careful.  Good luck with your wedding and marathon.

           

          OK, I'll say it ... I'm just a tad bit jealous of your weight problem ... but I step back and start opening my mind a bit and realize I'm not in your shoes (or wedding dress) and I'm sure I don't grasp the impact this has on you or the relationship you have with your mum. But I must agree with what spaniel says here. Look deeper than outward appearance. Won't you be just as beautiful in whatever size it is? Won't your hubby-to-be love you just as much? What happens after the wonderful day is over and the dress is on the hanger? Will you love yourself?

           

          So I will echo many others and say choose a goal for yourself, be healthy, be wise. Weddings bring so much pressure anyway to make it a "perfect" day, don't add more undue pressure. It's OK not to be perfect.

          If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot run," then by all means RUN, and the voice will be silenced.

           

          Jiggle Monster

          LadyAudley


            Dude, are you married? All weddings and their detailed appointments are the sole property of the bride's mother. The bride may at times believe she makes decisions but that is only because she didn't recognize the passive aggression Jedi mind tricks of her mother. 

             

            Big grin

             

            It's true!

             

            Here's how I see it: I wake up with my partner every day, and I feel so, so, so lucky.  When he asked me to marry him, I was over the moon and at the same time kind of amazed at the same time that such an amazing guy wanted to spend his life with lil' ole me.  I am delighted that I'm getting married - but I don't see 'being married' as remotely the same thing as 'having a wedding'.  Being married is every single day, and I couldn't be happier about that prospect, but the wedding is just one day.  It is, in many ways, the marriage is for us, but the wedding isn't - it's a public celebration and a party for our family and friends, because they would be offended and upset if we had the ceremony without them.  It's also the one thing that's been getting my mother through the rough time she's been having (and compared to chemotherapy, running a 100miler is a walk in the park).  

             

            I do feel like I own my own life, and I very much make my own decisions about the important stuff.  But I've made the decision that this day is, in so many ways, really NOT about me, and you know, that feels good.  I just want everyone to have fun and be as happy as I feel, and if that means shedding a few pounds for my mum by eating healthily and exercising, then so be it!  Compared to everything she did to carry me and raise me right in hard circumstances, it's really nothing.  If she wanted me to walk down the aisle dressed as a giant oreo, I'd do it for her!  Smile


            DespiteMyself

              ...  Being married is every single day, but the wedding is just one day.  It is, in many ways, the marriage is for us, but the wedding isn't - it's a public celebration and a party for our family and friends, because they would be offended and upset if we had the ceremony without them.  ...

               

              I do feel like I own my own life, and I very much make my own decisions about the important stuff.  But I've made the decision that this day is, in so many ways, really NOT about me, and you know, that feels good.   ...

               

              Admirable ... unique, but admirable. You sound like an intelligent lady ... just don't get your insides all twisted up about it. Keep it balanced and healthy, physically and mentally. Congratulations, and good luck!

              If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot run," then by all means RUN, and the voice will be silenced.

               

              Jiggle Monster

              xor


                I don't get it. Go buy your own dress and let your mom look like a fool crying on your wedding day. People are going to wonder what's wrong with her rather than thinking your some kind of weight loss failure. This is going to sound harsh, but... If you want to go down this road - own it. You are 33 years old, which makes you a grown woman. It's time to stop blaming your choices on your mother. Women have lost weight for less noble reasons than wanting to make their cancer stricken mother happy, so, I'm kinda "meh" about your journey into disordered eating and exercise. But, don't pretend like you don't have a choice here. Because you do.

                 

                I have to say that the original post set off my troll detection system.

                 

                But, assuming it is sincere.... 'what Julia said'.

                 

                And the fishy part about asthma too.

                 

                LadyAudley


                  OK, I'll say it ... I'm just a tad bit jealous of your weight problem ... but I step back and start opening my mind a bit and realize I'm not in your shoes (or wedding dress) and I'm sure I don't grasp the impact this has on you or the relationship you have with your mum. But I must agree with what spaniel says here. Look deeper than outward appearance. Won't you be just as beautiful in whatever size it is? Won't your hubby-to-be love you just as much? What happens after the wonderful day is over and the dress is on the hanger? Will you love yourself?

                   

                  So I will echo many others and say choose a goal for yourself, be healthy, be wise. Weddings bring so much pressure anyway to make it a "perfect" day, don't add more undue pressure. It's OK not to be perfect.

                   

                  Awwww, you're so lovely!  I'm so overwhelmed by how much y'all care about how I'm doing and me staying healthy.  I didn't think that this would be such a controversial thread.  

                   

                  You're right - I don't think beauty depends on size AT ALL.  I'm mortified that my original post might have come over that way.  I know many, much curvier women than me who are far, far more gorgeous than I'll ever be!!  

                   

                  But I'm happy with how I look - whether that's 'me' at 100lbs or 'me' at 125!   I'm not approaching this in the spirit of 'OMG I'm so FAT and UGLY, I must change immediately!' but rather as 'I like how I look, but I'd love to tone up and have more strength and stamina...and be able to finish a marathon... plus my Mum has her heart absolutely dead set on this dress, so it makes sense to try to shed a few pounds if only to stop her nagging me!  But what should be my calorie level to maintain improvements in fitness and health but still lose weight?  What kind of calorie deficit should I maintain so my body can repair itself and build new muscle, but I can still lose weight?'  etc.  etc.  It's kind of a scientific issue for me, rather than an emotional one, if that makes sense!

                  xor


                    If it is about your mom and her desire for you to wear this dress, then it really is an emotional issue.  Be honest with yourself.

                     

                    Go lift some weights.

                     

                    And find an appropriately sized dress.

                     

                      First of all, CONGRATS on getting married Big grin

                       

                      Secondly, I second what everyone else has said.  You are not overweight at a 3/4.  I would concentrate on the reason for your wedding rather than keeping your mom happy.  I know you want to please her, especially after her recent chemo treatments, but you are a grown woman and you have to keep your health (both physical and mental) top priority.  I'd say go for the marathon goal, and the ideal weight should follow.  Good luck Smile

                      'No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch'

                       

                      "Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'"  - Peter Maher

                       

                      "Running long and hard is an ideal antidepressant, since it's hard to run and feel sorry for yourself at the same time. Also, there are those hours of clearheadedness that follow a long run."  -Monte Davis


                      Feeling the growl again

                        What kind of calorie deficit should I maintain so my body can repair itself and build new muscle, but I can still lose weight?'  

                         

                        Well, building muscle at the same time you are losing weight is a bit of a fool's errand.  If you really care about the weight enough for that dress, focus on that first.  I don't mean don't do some weights, but don't really expect to put much muscle on. 

                         

                        Running is not all that great for building mass either....I'd calibrate your expectations on just toning.

                        "If you want to be a bad a$s, then do what a bad a$s does.  There's your pep talk for today.  Go Run." -- Slo_Hand

                         

                          Thanks guys - for all the advice, and help (and congrats!).  

                           

                          Maybe this is something that only really girls can understand, but I'm under a lot of pressure from my family for the wedding regarding my weight.  I used to work in the fashion industry and my mum is really superproud of that (in that annoying way mothers are, which makes you want to go crawl into a big black hole with embarrassment).  She would be really, really disappointed in me if I walked down that aisle at 125lbs and a size 3/4.  It's not that I'm currently overweight, it's that she has a tiny size 0/1 dress all picked out for me and has told all her friends the vital statistics I'll have on the big day.  I'm exasperated and a bit annoyed by this, but I can't bear to disappoint her, because she just cries and she's recently had chemo for cancer, so, as she points out, she deserves to have things her way.  Plus, I do genuinely feel better when I'm lighter.  I just want her to be proud and have a nice day!

                           

                          I will try to build my mileage with slower runs, as Scout really helpfully suggests, and I'm going to keep running 6 times a week.  Thanks for the encouragement!  I hope you don't mind if I keep posting about my progress! xxx

                           

                          Wow...so how you look in a dress trumps your health? How do you think your going to have the strength to run if you are cutting calories and focused on losing weight instead of building up muscle? And remember, once you start running, certain muscles are going to get bigger and your not going to turn into a toothpick. I'm 5'2, nearly 130 lbs. But I'm pretty stocky, and have leg muscles the size of a house. But that's from all the running/rucking/active shit that is involved in being in the military. But I can't fit into jeans that my sister (who is 110lbs) wears because my legs are bigger. But I'm in way better shape than she is. (I'm not being bitchy, I'm just an active person). And I'd rather be in great shape than a twig who has no muscle mass.

                           

                          Forget the scale and the weight. Run because you want to improve yourself and remember your going to gain muscle.

                          LadyAudley


                            I have to say that the original post set off my troll detection system.

                             

                            But, assuming it is sincere.... 'what Julia said'.

                             

                            And the fishy part about asthma too.

                             

                            Undecided

                             

                            I'm not sure how I can prove I'm real!  But here's a pic of me out on a run in the hills.  Looking pretty tired sweaty, I'm afraid. Smile

                             

                            http://postimage.org/image/21u4d13l0/

                             

                            run in the hills!

                             

                             

                            ETA: Sorry, I have no idea how to post an image. 

                              I'm still not sure the OP is for real. And I"m not sure who is more messed up: the OP or the mum.


                              The Terminator

                                I don't really have any advice, but I can sympathize with this somewhat.  There is a LOT of pressure on brides to be about 10 lbs skinnier than their regular weight.  I am getting married in 9 days, and I've been hearing it since the day we got engaged.  Every dress shop I went to, a well-meaning saleslady would ask me how much weight I intended to lose.  My weight is normal, so I always said NONE.  And then they would laugh knowingly and say, "I'll put 5 lbs.  Brides always lose a little weight."

                                 

                                The truth is that I wouldn't have minded losing the Bridal Ten, but that would not have been a weight I could have maintained, and I could just imagine it being a few months after the wedding and someone is looking through my skinny wedding day pictures and thinking, "my GOD, she has really porked up since then!"

                                 

                                ETA:  Just in case this is a real post, even though it's pretty suspect.

                                "In the South, the cotillion of Machiavelli is played as a soft-shoe, in three-quarter time." - Pat Conroy