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Need suggestions...How can I include my spouse into my running life? (Read 521 times)

    Bring her along

     

    This is all fine and well, but I don't understand how sitting in this thing while my wife pulls me around will make me a better runner.

      You do it on recovery days.  You get to feel the wind on your face but save your legs from the pounding.

       

       

      This is all fine and well, but I don't understand how sitting in this thing while my wife pulls me around will make me a better runner.

      "When a person trains once, nothing happens. When a person forces himself to do a thing a hundred or a thousand times, then he certainly has developed in more ways than physical. Is it raining? That doesn't matter. Am I tired? That doesn't matter, either. Then willpower will be no problem." 
      Emil Zatopek

      tinman11


        When I met my wife she handed me a post it note with a small window of times/days that I could reach her when she wasn't either working or cycling with friends.

         

        I knew right away that this relationship would work.

         

        Today I run and join her for biking sometimes.  She bikes but doesn't run much......although she has several 10 k AG awards hanging in the garage along with her 1/2 marathon medal.

         

        Oh, she's also the one who taught me to climb (see photo to the left).  That's when I knew I was in over my head........


        YAYpril - B-Plus

          If she doesn't want to run, maybe she'd be interested in taking photos... runners *love* their race photos and she could quickly find herself the most popular person in the group.

           

          This, exactly. My husband doesn't run, has no interest in running, and physically can't run (32 years old with arthritis in his feet, already had surgery on one knee, and needs surgery on the other). However, for Christmas a few years ago he asked for a really nice DSLR camera specifically to take photos at my races. I've been running for 3 years and he hasn't missed a race. My running group LOVES him. A bunch of my running friends have friended him on Facebook and they get so excited to see his photos.

          jamezilla


          Follower of Forrest

            Pinpoint whats bugging her...from personal experience it can be

             

            1. Not spending time together

            2. Being obsessed with something (other than her)

            3. Jealousy that you are pursuing your desires (if she is not)

             

            Lots of good advice, but if you address the wrong problem you still have a problem (and you compromised for no reason).

             

            Solutions

            1. Make time or make the time you do share better (lots of good advice on this already)

            2. I use the forum's as my "running talk" outlet.  Make the effort to shut up about your running.  Let her know you are going to make that effort so it doesn't go unrecognized.

            3. Help her cultivate a hobby or exercise routine...something that makes her feel good about herself and is "her thing"

             

            There's probably reasons I haven't gone through also...but nail down exactly what she has an issue with (even if she isn't sure)

            6/21 - Manitou's Revenge 54mi

             

            A man may never run the same trail twice for it is not the same trail and he is not the same man


             


            Cheap and Evil Girl

              What does your wife do when you are out running?  If she is taking on the day to day chores in order to allow you extra free time for your pet obsession, that hardly seems fair.  I say this because I have my own feelings of guilt on the subject, as I spend many hours a week running.  But I do try to make up for it by pulling my weight when it comes to getting work down around the house, and making sure that the time I do spend with my husband is quality time.

               

              And I also don't think it is fair to ask her to conform to your idea of a good time and become a runner or get more involved in your running activities.  I think it would be good to encourage her and make sure she has the resources to cultivate her own hobbies.

              I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING.  

               

              "Mental toughness is built by doing something that is hard over and over again, especially when you don't feel like doing it. Our society has conditioned us to believe that there should be no discomfort, to stop when we are uncomfortable. But the discomfort we feel when we're doing a challenging workout is an important part of the strengthening process." -Jim Afremow, The Champion's Mind: How Great Athletes Think, Train, and Thrive

              Chantilly75


              It's always something...

                I think the difference between golfers and runners is that, while golfers may disappear on the weekend, runners disappear every day and then, if they race a lot, they disappear on the weekend as well.  If you are a competitive runner, you are probably running 10 hours a week or so.  If you run 10 hours a week, then you may be taking up twice that much time because you have to drive to where you are running, warm up, cool down, stretch, do any strength training, etc, etc, etc.  That's a part time job even on weeks when you aren't racing.

                 

                One round of golf can take 4-7 hours, depending upon how many practise swings are taken, putting around beforehand, waiting for slow players, having a beer in the clubhouse after, driving to the golf course and back, etc. Pretty sure most runners aren't putting in 8-14 hours of running on the weekend.

                Not to mention going out to the driving range during the week after work.

                 

                I run every morning before anyone is up, or in the evening when they are watching TV.

                 

                Each of our family members have their own sport, so we are on the go every day.

                Your wife could find a hobby/sport/interest she likes to do on her own or with a friend, as long as you are not leaving her with all the childcare all the time.

                 

                 

                 

                 

                   

                  I blame WASP enculturation.  I don't come from a family of golfers...my dad never golfed and his dad only golfed socially maybe once/week and mostly only during their Winters in FL.  But I have always lived in golf-heavy areas and witnessed the phenomenon of golf-widows left to take over all household and child-rearing duties while their spouses disappeared for the better part of the weekend clad in fugly pants.  The fact that there is an entire cable network dedicated to the sport simply enforces the notion that it's perfectly normal and acceptable for a person to disappear for an entire day at least once/week to engage in a hobby.  The same could be said of those who avidly hunt during more than just whitetail shotgun season, but at least that pastime can help feed a family.

                   

                  Perhaps golfers (of either gender, though it seems to be vastly the guys who do this) SHOULD be feeling some guilt if they're monopolizing the majority of quality family time engaged in a sport away from their family.

                  off topic:

                  zoomy, no cyclist (and I'm a cyclist, too) has the right to denigrate golfer's pants. Smile

                   

                   

                  back on topic:

                  As some others have said, you'll have to find the real issue in order to know how to proceed. Is it simply the time involved in running?  Probably not. If you're obsessed with running, that's a problem. If you're not carrying your weight of responsibilities in the marriage, that's a problem. If she would never be satisfied if you're having fun doing something you love that doesn't include her, then that's an even bigger problem. I wish you good luck.


                  Prince of Fatness

                    One round of golf can take 4-7 hours, depending upon how many practise swings are taken, putting around beforehand, waiting for slow players, having a beer in the clubhouse after, driving to the golf course and back, etc. Pretty sure most runners aren't putting in 8-14 hours of running on the weekend.

                    Not to mention going out to the driving range during the week after work.

                     

                    I don't golf much at all now, but I used to a lot.  I had a regular foursome, and we could get a round in on a weekend where it was door to door in about 5 hours or so.  Early tee time is one of the keys.  Play is generally faster if you get out as one of the first few groups.  The four of us could play a round in 3 - 3.5 hours.  We were too early for beer sales (although we were known to pack a few cans in our bags).  I didn't spend much time on the range so that wasn't an issue.  As a rule I was usually home by 11 AM.

                     

                    You can make just about any sport work if you want it to.

                    Semi-retired.


                    Needs more cowbell!

                      off topic:

                      zoomy, no cyclist (and I'm a cyclist, too) has the right to denigrate golfer's pants. Smile

                       

                      Ha, a guy we know has plaid cycling shorts...he only brings them out for special occasions.  Yeah, they are worse than any golfer's pants, for sure!  They're similar to Steve In A Speedo's "Pinky and the Brain" shorts.

                      I shoot pretty things! ~

                      '14 Goals:

                      • 6 duathlons (1 Olympic distance)

                      • 130#s (and stay there, gotdammit!)

                      FlyinFree


                        LOL- bikers can't make fun of anybody on any level! Big grin

                         

                        anyhow- to the OP.   I didn't read all the responses, but I have one Smile

                         

                        My story- I got her to run / walk a 5K out of the blue for breast cancer.  She liked it so much.  The finish and all that stuff.  I told her I would train with her every step of whatever plan she wanted to follow.  We are now on week 9 of a 26.2 plan.  I STOPPED, RESTARTED, AND FOLLOWED HER!  You have no idea how hard it was to walk 3 minutes to run 30 seconds for years it seemed, but actually only a few weeks.

                         

                        Now she is runnign a solid 30 minutes, just under 3 miles, and chatting the whole way.  It takes alot for me to keep her "to the plan."  Too much too soon is the worse thing you could ever do to her.

                         

                        Last year she cursed me for the 5K.  This year she is registered for a marathon.

                         

                        I think the trick was her not feelign like she had to run with me, and the key was me being willing to run WITH her.  Or walk if needed.

                         

                        That doesn't mean I don't run on my own.  I am a streaker!  Today I ran 4.2 to the office, I will run 4.2 home, and then guess what-- I will do her continuous 30 minute at 12mm!!!!!  Let her be the hot shot.  High fives, hugs, praising, and an A$$ slap once in wahile, they like that.

                         

                        See if you got what it takes to do that.  no mouthing off, no pressuring, all love.  She brags on me for doing it with her all over town....

                         

                        now- another thing- get ready for the expnse of runner fashion for the girlies!  Be willing to support her new endeavor too.

                         

                        first post for me.

                         

                        FF

                        Everydog


                          "Need suggestion on how to include spouse in my running life"

                           

                          Get a female running partner.

                          FlyinFree


                            Get a female running partner.

                             

                            HAHA that will definatley work too!

                            Runner man


                            Runner man

                              Thanks for everyone's suggestions.   I realize now that I have totally messed up.  I should be putting myself more into my married life and not expecting my wife to have to be full time in my running life. I just thought that was what all runners did to be able to run competitively.  My wife must hate me.  I have been obsessed with running and left my wife out.  After reading your comments, I realize I just expected her to deal with my time running.  I have even gotten upset at her for not understanding.  As you have all written: I see that I do leave her home alone while I run, I don't make enough time to do couple things with her, I expect her to accept that I want to be out of the house for many hours for workouts and races.......and for her to take care of responsibilties when I am gone.  She doesn't do that to me. Last year I ran a race on our anniversary. I know she was furious at me, even though we went out later.   She deserves my attention.  I need to rethink how to have a married and family life AND a runinng life.  I need to put my priorities in order, as most of you have said. I don't want to be on my death bed all alone, only being able to say what a a good runner I was.  I want a soul mate. I want to enjoy all of my life.  I am such a fool.  I better make some changes and soon.  Thanks for your assistance and for allowing me to vent.  Please keep the comments coming.  Your support is helping me.


                              Consistently Slow

                                Get a female running partner. 

                                HAHA that will definatley work too!

                                 

                                No,it will not! DW does not care who I run with at  5 AM as long as  I do not wake her up. 400 mile rode trip with  two  attractive < 40 females. She hates rode trips. Happy she could stay home an read in Peace.

                                Run until the trail runs out.

                                2013***1500 miles

                                50 miler

                                Race Less Train More

                                 

                                Ana Trason  "Living Her Life"

                                "The Marble in The Groove"

                                 

                                unsolicited chatter

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