Beginners and Beyond

1234

Your parents... (NRR) (Read 691 times)

Nevrgivup


    I've always been a Daddy's girl. In a nutshell, my mother and I did not get along until I became an adult. She is very insecure, like myself and its always been a competition. Its very sad, but I am happy to say that I am an adult now and can handle it better than I have in the past. We don't have the kind-of relationship that some mothers and daughters do. I wish that we could go shopping and have lunch dates, but its very few and far between that we do. Because this is the internet, I will not disrespect her and pour out my soul to all of you. I love her and I'm thankful that I have a mother. My father has always been a hard worker and has cared for my mother and us children growing up. He would give us his last dollar and always made sure we had what we needed. We grew up scraping pennies. They both did not go to college and my mother was a stay at home mom. I am pleased to say they brought us (my brother and I) up to be pretty accomplished adults. I have good manners and have mad respect for others. I love humankind and it shows in my chosen field of nursing. Ironically my mother worked with special needs kids as a teenagers and does this now, so it is a trait I inherited from her. My father gave me the running gene and I can't thank him enough for planting the seed. 

    Running is my mental-Ctrl-Alt-Del. 

    kristin10185


    I race in SparkleSkirts

      My parents have raised my brother and I to always do the best we could in everything we did. My dad was a hell of an athlete in his day. He grew up playing football, basketball and baseball, and played all 3 through high school. Football was what he truly excelled in, and he was offered a full scholarship to play quarterback for the University of Maine. My dad was the forth of 6 children in his family, and they had grown up very poor. They didn't have much at all in their home except love, and his family could in no way afford college. The football scholarship was his ticket to becoming the first person in his family to attend college. He was an amazing quarterback, and has letters from 4 NFL teams that were very interested in drafting him. Unfortunately, he had a career ending injury during one of his last games his senior year, when a bad sack tore every ligament in his knee and he needed total reconstruction surgery, which back without today's technology meant no more football, ever. My brother inherited my dad's athletic talent. I did not. My brother was also a star at football, basketball, baseball, and golf from the time he could walk. I was interested in sports too, but was never particularly good, and really played only for fun. But my dad never differentiated between us. He coached both of our teams in multiple sports (somehow, don't know how he did it and worked full time! he was a girls softball and basketball coach and a boys baseball, football and basketball coach). My brother was a star and I was second string on in-town rec girl's basketball haha but my dad did not treat his teams and games as more important than mine. And now, he is a great cheerleader for my running! I'm a daddy's girl for sure, and he is one of my best friends. We go to football games together all the time, and we have gone on trips just the 2 of us (Europe twice) and get along great.

       

      My mom and I have had a touch and go relationship forever. It is better now that I am an adult and don't live with her. We get along better now than we ever have before. However, she has helped me be independent haha because I wanted to get far away to go to college, and move out into my own apartment as quickly as possible once I graduated! We're fine now. She's a good shopping buddy and movie buddy.

      PRs:   5K- 28:16 (5/5/13)      10K- 1:00:13 (10/27/13)    4M- 41:43 (9/7/13)   15K- 1:34:25  (8/17/13)    10M- 1:56:30 (4/6/14)     HM- 2:20:16 (4/13/14)

       

      I started a blog about running :) Check it out if you care to

      MrNamtor


      DON'T TREAD ON ME

        My mom taught me compassion and empathy, and my dad taught me how to be objective and cool headed in matters of strategy, competition and war. At least that's the qualities they had - whether I effectively learned or internalized those qualities myself is pretty questionable.

         

        Hey Lily, sorry to hear about your abusive childhood. I have a really good friend who was abused as a child, and I know that on some level it messes you up for the rest of your life. My friend had a good relationship with his father in the last few years of his father's life, but that was my friend's decision. His father was a selfish prick who never cared about anyone but himself. My feeling is my friend would have been fine either way he decided to go

          I was one of 5 kids.  My parents were 44(father) and 41 (mother) when I was born.  From my father, I received the gift of reading.  He read the daily newspaper front to back and also mystery novels.  I still have an affinity for newspapers and do read a lot.  He encouraged us to participate in sports, and he enjoyed following the Redskins and collegiate basketball especially ACC.     I have the same passions along with college football. He would be proud that I'm running now as an adult after a long term bout with asthma starting in childhood.

          My mother always wrote thank you notes and remembered all her friends and relatives birthdays.  That trait has been passed onto me.  My mom was resilient till she passed at age 91.  Due to some events in my life the past 8 years, I'm glad that trait is present too.

          So my parents due to their age, were not "fun & game" parents like younger parents, however, I came to recognize and appreciate all their sacrifices since I first became a parent 20 years ago.

          “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” - T.S. Eliot

          KaraInSavannah


          Runs the streets

            Like Misty, I am the eldest child of teen parents. As such, I cringe when people say "I grew up with my kids", because regardless of the parents chronological age, kids would prefer to be raised by grown ups. My story echos Misty's with regards to not being pushed (to my own detriment), but that is only with my mother (who never attended a parent teacher conference, looked at a report card, etc). In some respects they did what they could for being so young. I would say that being the eldest, having such young parents, and having a mother who is severely mentally ill shaped me in to a person who is very type-A.

             

            Long story short, the marriage didn't last, my father later had custody of me as my mother was unstable. At 21 I decided to not spend my life angry or bitter, and aimed for an adult relationship with mom. That went swimmingly for years, until she declined severely in the last five years. At this time a relationship would simply be toxic, and one is sadly just not possible. I do share a very close relationship with my father (we talk probably 5 times weekly), step-mother, 2 brothers, step-brother and 3 step-sisters.

             

            What did I learn from them? Well, I am sure that being the eldest child of a young mother with a severe mental disorder, who married 5 times, has shaped me in some ways that have been positive. I was independent, self-reliant, responsible. I stayed out of trouble and stayed on a straight and narrow path. I had siblings counting on me. (My brothers are great btw! One is a successful filmmaker who has a short film showing at Sundance! The other has a degree in graphic design and is training in culinary arts. He's a brilliant chef. THey're WONDERFUL guys).

             

            My father did go on to get an education. He went to college, and even graduate school, all while serving in the Navy. He became an officer, and when he retired he owned a small business while working as a director for VETS, a division of the US Dept of Labor. My father is a feminist. He never discounted me because I was a daughter. My opinions have always mattered to my father. I learned to value myself from my Dad. I chose men, and ultimately a husband who value me. I learned to be driven and accountable. My father is HILARIOUS, though often inappropriate. So, I probably get my leaning toward inappropriateness and humor from Dad. If it ain't cancer or running, it ain't all that serious...My Dad always did the right thing. Though in the military, he is a pacifist in nature (we were never spanked), but he did physically intervene in a domestic fight our neighbors were involved in when I was in high school. And I watched him stand down the Klan, literally toe to toe, when we lived in Powder Springs, GA. It was just my Dad vs. 10-12 hooded cowards. I watched him help organize a community event at his coffeehouse to protest against a resolution our county tried to pass essentially stating homosexuals were not welcome.  To say that my Dad is my hero would be an understatement. He is that, in so many ways. I would hope that I have even a fraction of his moral compass.  It doesn't come from religion (he's an atheist), or societal pressure (he could give a shit, truly). He is just inately good, and does the right thing even when it is difficult, and I hope I have a little of that.

             

            Because my parents were so young, we were very poor until I was in middle school. Then my father did well financially. But, I am grateful for having been poor, and for the fact that I had to work beginning at age 14, and while in college. I am grateful my parents made me be poor as a young adult, and find my way. I have a huge soft spot for people who struggle.

             

            I would be remiss to not mention that I am VERY lucky to have also been greatly influenced by my grandparents (2 of whom are still living, a perk of having had young parents), an aunt and uncle (runners!), and some of my friends parents who were monumentally influential in my life.  And as an adult, my in-laws. My mother-in-law passed away nearly 4 years ago, but not before she taught me MANY life lessons. And we are fortunately to still have my father-in-law.

              Short version:  My parents taught me what NOT to do as a parent.

               

              Medium version:  You know those people that should NEVER EVER have children?  Yup, thats my mom.  Dependent on a man, selfish, and in complete denial of reality.  I grew up taking care of 4 siblings.  All the cooking, cleaning, and every other household responsibility.  Mom was either in the hospital with a suicide attempt or off on a weeklong trip to the mountains...."because she deserved it with 5 kids."  We grew up extremely poor..."blocks of cheese" poor.  But Mom always had money for her getaways, just not for clothes or food for the kids.  She married a man that beat me silly.  Of course, when the police showed up...I attacked him.  Good times.

               

                 Dad was my GOD....until at the age of 12 when I discovered he was an alcoholic and drug abuser who raped 3 of my siblings.  Ten years in prison and we no longer speak. 

               

                 I moved out and became an emancipated minor at the age of 16.  My therapist threw me a party when I finally found the courage to leave and not go back!

               

              Long version:  I can't even go there.

               

              Me now:  I have been with my husband for just about 20 years.  I am independent, out spoken, and tough.  I have 2 fabulous children (who I tell on a regular basis how lucky they are to have me for a mom.  Smile)  It only took therapy from the ages of 12-18 to work through that.  And I still talk to that therapist 20 years later. 

               

              I love my parents....they made me who I am today.

              mucknort


                Hilary's thread inspired me to ask this question: How have your parents shaped you? How big was their influence on you?

                What about you? How have your parents made you into the individuals whom you are now?

                 

                I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down at the mill, and pay the mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah." But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

                 

                My parent's influence was quite huge, in a good way, I'd say. They always showed unconditional love and my Dad was probably the more nurturing of the 2. He was always there for me, my Mom was a bit more on the tough love side. My Dad was a College Prof. and I always heard awesome things about his classes and how effective he was as a teacher. This certainly influenced me in regards to working at summer camps and eventually becoming an elementary school teacher (among other jobs). I'm the oldest of 3 boys and my Mom didn't let that stop her from "learning" us in all the household skills she would'a passed on to a daughter (as well as learning the manly arts from Dad). Because of this, I was able to make the shift to stay-at-home Dad after our son was diagnosed with a heart condition and celiac disease. Taking on full house-husband chores (cookin', cleaning, diapering, etc.) was a piece of cake, thanks to Mom.  

                 Neither was a runner, but certainly took the time to take us camping every summer. This led to a life long love of the outdoors and outdoor recreation. My Dad will never run, but I'm still working on Mom, whose in her 70's. If she ever took it up, she'd kick butt in her AG.


                Antipodean

                  I had a happy childhood and we weren't rich, but I never actually knew that. When my older brother told me about the 'social classes' when I was about 12, I assumed we were like middle class from his explanation. He corrected me and informed me we were well and truly working class. Thinking about it, I could see it was true, but I'd been brought up to be grateful for what I had, not waste a thing and be creative with little.

                   

                  My Dad passed away three years ago, but I guess I was always a daddy's girl. I still miss him. I am happy he was always proud of my running as a kid (I ran somewhat competitively). I'm sure he'd be proud that I keep running now too. My Mum and I get along well, and for the past year we have been living together - her downstairs and my husband, daughter and I upstairs. It works amazingly well for us - a win/win situation! I love chatting with her after work every day and for my daughter's sake I love and value living in a three-generational home. That's the way children are meant to be brought up.

                   

                  My parents also taught me the value of hard work and modelled an incredible work ethic. I'm only 44 but when I see how some of my workmates in their 20s act at work I'm shocked. My Mum never actually taught me to cook, but I learnt it all anyway from watching and observing her - and tasting the amazing finished product. They also both brought my brother, sister and I up to value education and travel. I grew up knowing that although my parents got the opportunity for neither, I would be lucky enough to have both if I was prepared to work for it. And work, I did. I have two master degrees and have travelled around the world.

                   

                  Thanks, Mum & Dad.

                  Julie

                   

                  PRs:  1 mile  6:57  //  5k   24:12  //  5 mile  39:32*  //  10k   49.10*   //  Half  1:52:18

                   

                  * courses slightly short

                   

                  "It's not the mountains we conquer, but ourselves."

                  ~ Sir Edmund Hillary

                  happylily


                    So at least 2 men in this thread changed their mind about what they wrote. It's funny how men have a hard time opening up. Good at humorous sarcasm, but embarrassed about possibly appearing fragile. Hey, guys, we like you one way or another. It's okay. Smile

                    PRs: Boston Marathon, 3:27, April 15th 2013

                            Cornwall Half-Marathon, 1:35, April 27th 2013

                    4 years racing, 14 marathons, 14 BQs     

                    tessasnewlife


                      I really surprised how many of us who didn't have amazing childhoods say "they did the best they could". Shit my sister who is 14 years older than me is still blaming my mom for everything.


                      The Chairman

                        I really surprised how many of us who didn't have amazing childhoods say "they did the best they could". Shit my sister who is 14 years older than me is still blaming my mom for everything.

                         

                        You can forgive and move on, or live in the misery of your resentments. 

                        Luke79


                          When I was young, my parents both ran and were in the Air Force.  I think that has shaped who I am because I now run and I used to be in the Air Force.  Maybe it's a coincidence. 

                           

                           

                           

                           

                           

                           

                            I really surprised how many of us who didn't have amazing childhoods say "they did the best they could". Shit my sister who is 14 years older than me is still blaming my mom for everything.

                             I work in a school and I see some parents do what I think are stupid things to and for thier kids. I do believe that most parents do the best that they can for their kids with the tools that they have. I am constantly amazed by how crummy some kids have it and still seem to be happy.

                            ”Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.”

                            “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

                             

                            Tomas


                            Brown Noser

                              So at least 2 men in this thread changed their mind about what they wrote. It's funny how men have a hard time opening up. Good at humorous sarcasm, but embarrased about possibly appearing fragile. Hey, guys, we like you one way or another. It's okay. Smile

                               

                              You assume a bit much Lily, but I like you one way or another, as well.  I was 1 of the 2 men that changed what I wrote, but not because of being embarrassed or as you say "fragile".  In a face to face meeting, I speak very candidly about my childhood, parents, past troubles in my life, etc. Having said that, by posting a facet of my life on a random board, to be read by some, not all, anonymous people, and in light of last week's situation, I didn't feel comfortable leaving the post up, not for any other reason than security.  This thread didn't have that 'entertainment' feel about it, so I didn't really see the benefit of keeping the post up.  Not that anything I post here is of benefit, but boredom tends to set at the office some days.

                              Be careful of the toes that you step on, because they may be connected to the ass that you have to kiss.

                              happylily


                                You assume a bit much Lily, but I like you one way or another, as well.  I was 1 of the 2 men that changed what I wrote, but not because of being embarrassed or as you say "fragile".  In a face to face meeting, I speak very candidly about my childhood, parents, past troubles in my life, etc. Having said that, by posting a facet of my life on a random board, to be read by some, not all, anonymous people, and in light of last week's situation, I didn't feel comfortable leaving the post up, not for any other reason than security.  This thread didn't have that 'entertainment' feel about it, so I didn't really see the benefit of keeping the post up.  Not that anything I post here is of benefit, but boredom tends to set at the office some days.

                                 

                                I totally understand what you are saying. But I also appreciate those rare moments when we speak seriously about who we are. I get that it is only an internet forum, we're here for the fun and the running, but I believe that for some of us, it is not only the running that brings us here, but a bit of loneliness as well, even though we may have full lives. I'm not saying that it is true for all, but maybe for some... When we open up a bit, about our past, or other subjects, we get to know one another in a more intimate way. For me, it's meaningful. I don't do Facebook. This place here is as social as I get on most days... I do get what you say about the fact that what we share is out in the open and that aspect should give us reason to pause and wonder if we're doing the right thing. I guess that because my real life is lived 100% in French, and my clients and family (parents and sister) do not speak English, I am less concerned about things I write here. No one in my entourage will ever read it. If I were in your position, I'd probably be more careful, yes.

                                PRs: Boston Marathon, 3:27, April 15th 2013

                                        Cornwall Half-Marathon, 1:35, April 27th 2013

                                4 years racing, 14 marathons, 14 BQs     

                                1234