Beginners and Beyond

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Your parents... (NRR) (Read 691 times)

happylily


    Hilary's thread inspired me to ask this question: How have your parents shaped you? How big was their influence on you?

     

    I mentioned before that my relationship with my dad wasn't very good. But there is one thing about it that has shaped me in a big way in my life, something I can thank my dad for. While he was himself an overweight smoker, he admired my physical strength when it came to exercising. That was the only way I could get any praise from him and I think I learnt to push hard because of it. I wasn't into team sports (and he wasn't interested in professional sports either), but I started cycling, doing push-ups, sit-ups and small weights as a young teenager. I liked how he would boast to his friends that his daughter was so strong that she had cycled 250 kms in one day, from Montreal to Quebec City. Or how he'd ask me to do 50 push-ups in front of him and then high-five me. That was the only way I could bond with him. He gave me the (false) sense that I could be someone worthy through my physical abilities, if nothing else. In a society of unfit and unhealthy people, I realize today that it is a gift to be fit and healthy. So... thanks, dad. You served a purpose.

     

    What about you? How have your parents made you into the individuals whom you are now?

    PRs: Boston Marathon, 3:27, April 15th 2013

            Cornwall Half-Marathon, 1:35, April 27th 2013

    4 years racing, 16 marathons, 16 BQs     

    socutemd


      I feel really lucky, because although my relationship with my parents is a little distant, they are wonderful and were great growing up. 

       

      Some things they did right (and really,most of this is my mom)

      1. Acknowledged how hard it was to be a teenager, instead of telling me that I had it made and life was so easy (FYI - being a teenager is NOT easy, and you could not pay me enough to go back to that stage).

      2. Making sure that I could be involved in the activities I loved.

      3. Prioritizing academics - I was always told that as long as I worked to my capabilities, they would be happy.  But my mom made it pretty clear that she knew my capabilities included honors, etc.  So I didn't have too much leeway

      4. Let me make choices on my own.  I chose my pediatrician at age 12 (we had moved and we met with two different ones before choosing).  I saw her for another 9 years, and she was a mentor as I applied to medical school.

      5. Acknowledged that my sister and I were different people and let us be different, instead of trying to make us fit into a mold.

       

      Some things they did wrong:

      1. My mom harangued me so much about how messy I was (clothes everywhere, etc.) that to this day I have a complex about it.  I won't let them visit unless I have a full day to clean in advance.  She hates that.

      2. That's pretty much it.  Like I said, I'm lucky.

      happylily


        I feel really lucky, because although my relationship with my parents is a little distant, they are wonderful and were great growing up. 

         

        Some things they did right (and really,most of this is my mom)

        1. Acknowledged how hard it was to be a teenager, instead of telling me that I had it made and life was so easy (FYI - being a teenager is NOT easy, and you could not pay me enough to go back to that stage).

        2. Making sure that I could be involved in the activities I loved.

        3. Prioritizing academics - I was always told that as long as I worked to my capabilities, they would be happy.  But my mom made it pretty clear that she knew my capabilities included honors, etc.  So I didn't have too much leeway

        4. Let me make choices on my own.  I chose my pediatrician at age 12 (we had moved and we met with two different ones before choosing).  I saw her for another 9 years, and she was a mentor as I applied to medical school.

        5. Acknowledged that my sister and I were different people and let us be different, instead of trying to make us fit into a mold.

         

        Some things they did wrong:

        1. My mom harangued me so much about how messy I was (clothes everywhere, etc.) that to this day I have a complex about it.  I won't let them visit unless I have a full day to clean in advance.  She hates that.

        2. That's pretty much it.  Like I said, I'm lucky.

         

         

        That is great! I hope I can be as good a mom to my kids as your mom is to you!

        PRs: Boston Marathon, 3:27, April 15th 2013

                Cornwall Half-Marathon, 1:35, April 27th 2013

        4 years racing, 16 marathons, 16 BQs     


        Muddling through

          I learned to be a reader. Beyond that it's hard to say. With the same parents, I and my siblings ended up so different in many ways that it's hard to say what I learned from my parents and what I learned elsewhere.

          2014 Goals: Run first trail ultra, first 100K, and see what I can do in a 24-Hour race

          happylily


            I learned to be a reader. Beyond that it's hard to say. With the same parents, I and my siblings ended up so different in many ways that it's hard to say what I learned from my parents and what I learned elsewhere.

             

            Okay, I have to ask: is it learned or learnt? I'm really confused about that.

            PRs: Boston Marathon, 3:27, April 15th 2013

                    Cornwall Half-Marathon, 1:35, April 27th 2013

            4 years racing, 16 marathons, 16 BQs     

            tessasnewlife


              I was a full on daddy's girl. He died when I was 10. My love of cars probably, and my driving skills came from him. My mom and I didn't get along at all from 10-probably 21 but she was my responsibility and I did what I had to.

              Adam_McAllen


              Beer-and-waffle Powered

                My parents were a really big influence on me, although there's probably too much to write here. They really stressed academics but at the same time realized there was a lot more to life than that. I learned a lot of financial sense from them too, when I was a kid I had friends who's parents would spend lots of money on fancy vacations and things while we just piled into the van to go camping. My dad really influenced my attitude towards safety (he does accident analysis and then planning on how to avoid them in the future). Which sounds pretty random.... but it's probably already saved my ass a few times!

                In the words of my late-coach : Just hang in there, relax... and at the end of a race anyone you see.....just pass them

                happylily


                  Having met you, Adam, I can say that your parents did a great job with you, young man. :-)

                  PRs: Boston Marathon, 3:27, April 15th 2013

                          Cornwall Half-Marathon, 1:35, April 27th 2013

                  4 years racing, 16 marathons, 16 BQs     


                  Muddling through

                    Okay, I have to ask: is it learned or learnt? I'm really confused about that.

                     

                    Either is correct. Learnt is more common in British English and learned in American English.

                    2014 Goals: Run first trail ultra, first 100K, and see what I can do in a 24-Hour race

                      My parents are great- they were/are hard workers. My dad has always been very driven and has been willing to work hard and to share what he has with his kids. Growing up we always had more than we needed eventhough my parents didnt have that much. My siblings and I always drove better cars and dressed nicer than my folks did. My older sister and I were held more accountable for our stuff than my younger siblings. I got to learn how to do more manual labor (hanging sheetrock, digging sewer lines, sanding floors) than most of my buddies and learned that there really isnt much of a substitute for hard work. My parents also paid tons of money to have us involved in many different things - football, baseball, soccer, gymnastics, piano, dance classes, modeling. My older sister did more of that stuff than i did. Family and competition was pretty important we would compete at all sorts of stuff - ackyard soccer to fooseball to home run derby with tiny balls. My dad attended everyone of my sporting events growing up and was my coach for most of it. He would fly across texas and take vacation days to see my little brother play a JV football game.

                       

                      My mom was always there and was always nice and supportive. She is a nurse by trade and that is her perfect job. She gets to be a helper. She is still helping me to this day. This summer I asked her to pick up and move in with my family so that she could baby sit our youngest kids while I train for a marathong while working 65 hr work weeks and my wife finished her master's degree. She thought about it for about a day and then she realized that she is needed so she is with us now.

                       

                      I dont think that I could possibly be as good of a dad to my own kids as my father was to me.

                       

                      ****sorry for the ramble, mis-spellings, and poor grammer.***

                      ”Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.”

                      “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

                       

                      Tomas

                      MJ5


                      Chief Unicorn Officer

                        Socute, my mom is the same way about cleaning! I also require her to give me advance notice before she comes over so I can clean! My parents were really tough on me. I wasn't allowed to quit something I started but maybe didn't like (which, I wanted to quit XC after the first practice but my dad made me at least finish the season...I am SO glad he did that or I might not be the runner I am today). I always had a curfew and strict rules. No TV or video games in my bedroom. I'd get smacked if I deserved it and sometimes if I didn't really deserve it--my mom once cracked me in the ear with a wooden ruler because I had an overdue library book. It was bruised. But...I never had an overdue library book again!! My dad also taught me to be physically tough. This day and age we're always like ZOMG INJURIES!!!! Be careful and take rest days!!!!! I had to finish softball practice with a broken nose after fouling a ball off it. In a game, I had to finish an at-bat after breaking two fingers fouling a ball off my hands (my dad said "you can go to the hospital after you bat.") I also broke my wrist when I was 12, and because it was my glove hand and not my throwing hand, I still had to practice. I put my glove on over the cast and still practiced. So I'm conditioned that something has to be REALLY bad for me to take time off or consider it "injury." I just tune out tweaks and aches and pains. It's made me really mentally tough.

                        Mile 5:49 - 5K 19:58 - 10K 43:06 - HM 1:36:54


                        Ball of Fury

                          I don't really know my father (haven't spoken with him in 13 years) and my mom raised my brother and I by herself...no child support, nothing.  Although she made some mistakes, the one thing I always knew was how much she loved us.  She loved us enough to work 2-3 jobs (which also taught me you have to work for the things you want/need), never complaining, to provide for us.  I remember one year, I had received birthday money from my grandparents, etc...and I saved it until Christmas to buy my mom a sweater and earring set I knew she really wanted.  She loved it, but you know what...she took it back the very next day and bought a pair of designer jeans (well, there were designer to me at the time) for me because all my friends had a pair and she didn't want me to be left out!  That is just one example, but she literally always put us first, despite how hard it must have been for her.  The other thing she taught me was that I could do and be whatever I put my mind to (and worked for).  I was the first person in my family to ever graduate college, not to mention grad school!  None of those things would have been possible had it not been for my mom!

                          PRs:  5K 22:59, 10K 46:54,HM: 1:51:15


                          delicate taperer

                            Mom is great.  She raised us three kids by herself and worked two jobs to provide for us.  We lived in low income housing and didn't have much money, but we got by.  We never took vacation trips but occasionally mom would splurge on a dinner at Denny's.  Mom taught me to work hard, be positive, and don't complain too much about life.  I know I wasn't an easy kid to raise, but mom did great.  We were financially strained, but it's helped me appreciate what I have now.  I am lucky to have the mom I have. 

                             

                            As far as my father goes, I'll just say that he sucked.  I have not seen him since 1985.  If nothing else, he taught me how NOT to be a father (that is, if I ever had kids).  I suppose some day I'll get notified that he passed away, but he's been dead to me for years.  Like I told my brother, he may have been our father, but he was never much of a dad.

                            proud taperer

                            Buelligan


                              I deleted what I wrote.   It didn't feel right.

                               

                              This doesn't feel right either, but it does feel better.


                              The Chairman

                                Mine were pretty hands off, and that didn't work out great for me at times. But they treated me well. Or at least tried to the best of their abilities. 

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