causing or tending to cause annoyance, frustration, or worry.

Hmm.  Not Scorps' face after all.

This thread started over 5 years ago, crazy.  It's been quiet around here for some time now, it sort of embodies how I've been feeling about things.  My connection here is not what it was, you can't go back in time, but oh are there times I wish I could make it 2009-2010 all over again, for a lot of reasons.  Probably a lesson to be learned there about taking things for granted, time, people, friendships, health.

I'm not feeling it with running at all right now.  Well, specifically, training because I think there is a big difference.  Back then, there was so much commonality, kinship.  Some of that is that it was all relatively new.  But not all.  We used to have Tuesday nights, even in winter where 10 people were there, even in bad weather, 15+ in the summer.  Other small group stuff during the week and then the weekends.  Some of that still goes on, but I'm not as much part of it and I put myself there.

Life has changed for me over the last few years and also very recently, I have been let down, I have let myself down, things that have been solid are not so much.  Stressful things, things that take a toll, we all have those I know.  As a result I'm sort of looking at life and trying to figure out changes I need to make for myself. Prioritize, figure out what I want now.  I see my kids growing and I know they need to be my priority, which they always really have.  I've only got a few years left with them, Ethan especially.  I haven't screwed them up yet, but this is a critical time.  I've got to make choices around their lives, their schedule, not choose to go run 18 miles because I have to because I have a marathon coming when I could instead play basketball or take them somewhere or even just get my stuff done with work or my house that I neglect because I'm training.  How do I want to look back at this time?

Running has been so important to me, my relationships with you people, it's my escape, the thing I do for me.  But it all needs to be net positive, I need to do it because it makes me a better person to be around, a better example, happier.  Right now it is making me none of these.

Of course, I need to balance that with not becoming a big fat tub of goo.  So I will still be running.  I need to not fall completely off the cliff because that will not make me happy, either.  I need to stay in some level of shape.  I probably don't need to run 50 miles a week and train for marathons to do that though.

I have a history of not being moderate with things, running is a great example.  I've taken it to the extreme at times.  I'm unbalanced in life right now.  I need to focus externally, not internally, how do I benefit others vs. myself, I have always been better that way.  I watched one of cuch's bald guy psychologist videos the other day, maybe it made an impact.  No, not the chimp one.

If/when I can find the balance and get tethered, get healthy, maybe I can "train" again for something in a healthy way.  Maybe I won't want to. I hope I do.

I write this publicly to acknowledge that you people are important to me, and I can't express enough how thankful I am for the good things that have happened and hopefully still will.  Also so people stop asking me what's up, because it's hard to explain.  But also because some might relate to some of it, either now or in the future, and if so maybe it helps confirm that you aren't crazy.  Or maybe confirms that you are. And if you are running well and healthy and enjoying it all, don't take it for granted, enjoy the hell out of it.

L-Train,

Thanks for sharing first off. I feel like I can certainly relate to almost everything you said.  The Tuesday night group was what made me a runner for many years. I joined the group at close to 250lbs as a way to force myself to run.  Through all of you we became friends, comrades, supporters and it became FUN to run on Tuesday's, run on weekends, run in races.

One of the things that was the hardest for  me when Allycia and I moved was knowing I could no longer easily join you guys and gals on your strolls around town.  I miss you all terribly. It became hard to run without people to enjoy running with a few days a week. My life, like yours, had to be sorted into priorities. Building a house and working a new job took priority and running fell drastically low.

I, like yourself, am trying to pull through, find enjoyment in it again, which can be difficult at 10m pace where I have not been for many many years. I like you have had to decide if I even wanted to get back into running, and when I realized a while back that ALL my medium sized clothes I use to wear no longer fit and even some of the Large were a bit tight, I knew I had to dig deep and get back into it. Not to race, but just to get in "shape" again.  This is my daily struggle, force myself through the suffering of slow miles in an effort to loose the weight to get faster and better again with the overhanging memory of where I was only a few years back running ultra's with Greg, Michelle, Robin. Now I can hardly run around the block.

I am sad to hear the group has fallen off a bit.   We where a great team and like L said, we were there rain, snow, shine, it is what made us happy, running together, sharing stores, meeting for dinner afterwards.  I know I have no say in anything down there anymore but I wish you the best at keeping the group together.  Remember what the group did for each of us when we joined.  It took a 250lb me through a half ironman, through 10 marathons, 3-4 ultra's, this would not have been possible without the "Group".  Think how positive we were as a group to any aspiring runner who needed support in Sanford, we where a place for them to go, to be accepted and if they chose, to become like family.  Without the group, everything seems so alone.

Ok, enough of my emotional rambling.  Miss you all, stay strong.

I like pie.

 

I saw and heard the group run past my house this morning. I really wished that I was out there with you, ...

It got considerably more quiet after the hills.  At that point we all wished you were there too.

Get healthy and back out here.

The current group name... I've noticed that when I click on the "distance" tab in reports for the group, your name is always at the top of the list whenever mileage is not a factor. One second after midnight Monday morning you're on top if distance is clicked. Any time after that, after anybody logs anything, your name is always at the top of those who haven't yet logged anything, assuming you haven't logged yet. Of course, once you've logged anything it goes back to normal. I wonder why that is.

Commenting on the group name, I'm fine - just not running that much and not logging (or even garmining) what I am.  It feels good (for me) to not be a slave to it.  Lots of mental and physical energy free for other things.  Also feels good to have a 4 mile run constitute "success" for the day.  No need to wonder.