Notes
My left foot hurts. It hurts all the time. Franc said to me the other day that I am not writing enough nowadays and he usually looks forward to read my running log writings. Today, as for all recent months I said that I have been coming to terms with all body issues and running. I am coming to terms two years now in giving up the long distance running which has changed my entire life. I have learnt and still learning to be happy with just running and moving forwards. I do recognise that running has taken a different dimension for me now. I am grateful that I am still moving and putting one foot in front of the other but still at times mind and body still plays games and creates upheaval of emotional feelings. Writing has always helped me to put my thoughts to paper and even more so to accept what is going on. Three years ago when I was diagnosed with the Hallux issues, I knew that my running days were limited. Despite the timing and what Orthopaedics predicted I have managed to exceed but still know that I, now, experience its effects daily. Pain and more pain. The weird thing is that I can run but I am, on many occasions, lame walking even short distances. I am not able to push and not able to carry any weight. I use the car even for short distances and I have not been in high hills for over the last 3 yrs now. I wear only orthopaedically designed shoes and pay a fortune for them. Soon, I may have to walk bare footing. It is no win game. So, I am running for 'Me' and only for 'Me'. No idea for how long is going to last but I try not to raise expectations, not to think of races or long distance and not to plan anything that makes me feel I have to do interval workout or other. I am training just to run and nothing else. As much as it is tough thing for every runner to come to terms with, for me it is a different era in my life and I do have to manage this independently and in a dignified way. So, no running for the Club and not creating any expectations. Just 'Go with the Flow' and as one of my Old Gurus said 'Try to be Water my Friend, Be Water'. Water is put into the cup and becomes the cup, Water is put into a bottle and becomes the bottle, Water is put into a teapot and becomes the Teapot. Water can drip, can flow, can crash. Be Water my friend, Be Water.' So I do have faith in God and try to create an eternal 'NOW' when running. For me now, there is no future for running but only 'The Present'. Even in the mile I create Eternal Lasting Moments. I find ways luckily to do so. For this, I am grateful even when running with pain.