Notes
Easy, solo 5 miles, mid morning, on a lovely Monday off from work.
Anders had potentially planned to bike alongside me for this one (today is his one day off every 3 weeks right now, hah), but around 9am I was tired of working on teaching stuff, it looked nice outside, and I was anxious and worried about my run and how the knee(s) was/were going to feel, so I decided to just get it done.
The run was great. No knee pain, and I actually felt fit and light and not like the clunky, washed-up, rec runner I've felt like a lot lately. My quads and butt and hamstrings were not plagued with some of the normal soreness of late, and my mind was able to wander just a little bit. I wouldn't say, by any stretch of the imagination, that I am running carefree yet. I still think about my knee(s) most steps, but during this run I felt confident on them from the beginning, and that always eases my mind.
I don't know where my fall is headed at all, and I had dreams of later races that I am sort of letting go or just letting simmer on the back burner for now, but today's run felt happy, and I guess that's all that really matters.
On a day to day basis most of my discontent or unhappiness (albeit not ALL of it) comes from comparing what I am doing right now to what my fiance, twin cities training friends, and Luther teammates are doing right now. When I just run for me, I find health and happiness and mental refresh in 30 easy miles per week that are mostly pain free.
While I won't be content with that indefinitely, at least not at this age and stage of my life, I'm trying to do a better job at least right now, of not comparing my current state of fitness to my future aspirations, past accomplishments, and current peer performances. That's not where I am, and dwelling on it just sends me spiraling.
This weekend will be an excellent test of that, and I think it is healthy to admit that going into it. I will cheer Anders on at his big marathon-prep half marathon on Sunday, and cheer from afar and in spirit for Emma and Rebel up on the Superior trail.
I'm so genuinely happy and excited for all the great people in my life, and simultaneously so looking forward to being able to join the ranks of competitive running again.