Notes
There haven’t been a lot of moments thus far in my running career when I truly questioned whether or not I had the mental and physical fortitude to continue. But I found a few of them in miles 14-26 of this marathon. The facts are that I finished in an official time of 2:58.09- an eternity away from the 2 hours and 45 minutes that was my heart’s true goal. And slower than I’ve run previously. And I was reduced to a humbling stumble and walk a few times; bent over crying with arch and calf cramps.
Sometimes in life you play it safe, and you’re unwilling to truly find your limits in pursuit of your dreams. And sometimes in life you give it everything you have, your literal blood, sweat and tears for months on end, hoping to come out on top, and you spectacularly blow up in full-view of the world. This weekend I went for it, and I came crashing down and fell apart on the streets of Sacramento. Sadness, disbelief, frustration, embarrassment, and regret are the emotions that come first. But I don’t regret it. The thing about running is it always brings you back again. Whether you run your best or your worst race, running will always bring you back for more.
And so I’ll be back for another marathon. And I’ll be back for another cycle. And in time I’ll come to realize that this cycle will add just as much to my strength and wisdom moving forward as a phenomenal race would have added. I’ll keep hitting the pavement side by side with life-long friends and fellow pursuers of dreams. And we’ll keep chasing the satisfaction that comes with knowing that, together with the ones you love, you poured your heart into something that matters to you, and makes you feel alive. The Trial of Miles; Miles of Trials.
It’s true that time standards cloud judgement. If the sub-2:45 OTQ standard didn’t exist, would I have tried to run sub-2:45 this time around? No, not a chance. I would have gone out and tried to run sub-2:50, and likely would have had a much more “successful” race in the eyes of most people. And most likely I would have been thrilled and proud. But this time around sub 2:50 didn’t have the socially-constructed glory attached to it that sub-2:45 had, and I was going for glory. And you know what? Yes, I’m bummed. I’ve had a couple good solid sad and frustrated cries. But I also wouldn’t take it back. And I think the reason I wouldn’t take it back is because even just 48 hrs removed, I’m already dreaming and planning when I can run my next one. So the marathon didn’t defeat me. And I’m excited to see how fast I can run in a different race and under different circumstances on a different day. And I’ll get another chance to run sub-2:50 and maybe even sub-2:45 someday. This wasn’t a one-and-done kind of endeavor. And this training block only adds more fuel to the fire for future cycles. I think that’s how years of super compensation and macro-cycles and compounding fitness and all those fancy terms work. They basically just mean that regardless of how the race went on the one, important day, over lots of weeks and months you got stronger and fitter and you can do it again, maybe even with a little more reserve in the tank the next time around.
I’m proud of a lot of things about this training block. It was by far the longest-sustained high volume block of my career. For the first time I got to a point where I felt like 80 miles/week was the norm, and could be accomplished with fairly little straining. And I absolutely believe there’s room to expand that volume even further.
I’m also proud of the extent to which I feel like I lived into the effort-based training and liked the transition. Towards the end of the cycle I didn’t find myself fearing workouts like I have in the past. Intimidated or nervous, sure, but not afraid. And I think it’s because if you keep yourself honest, hold yourself accountable, and run the effort you’re supposed to, there’s no way to fail a workout. Sometimes they just don’t go well or it’s not your day, sure. But if on one day threshold pace is 6:15 pace and on another day it’s 6:25 or 6:08, so be it. And none was a failure. I feel like now I understand the phrase “the body only knows effort” a little bit more.
I need to lift more consistently. UGH! I hate that I have to type that again given that I typed the same thing after Grandma’s half this spring. This cycle I was pretty good about it July-late September, and then in the last two months I fell off. Honestly, it’s hard for me to know what to think about it. Because on the one hand, I ran WAY more volume and quality than I’ve ever run before. And I made it through the cycle and to the start line healthy. And I start to worry anytime an athlete, including me, does more in all the categories of training all at the same time. On paper, and oftentimes in reality, its a recipe for disaster. And I can honestly say that after a few of my workouts this fall I didn’t know if my legs were actually capable of even doing a squat, let alone doing one without getting hurt. And so I didn’t lift as much as I always intended to. On the other hand, there were times when I just didn’t make time and space for it, or didn’t put in the extra effort. And I know without a doubt that if specifically my calves, quads, core, and back had been stronger for this race, it would have gone better. So in the future I WILL make it a priority even through high volume training, starting immediately in ski season. I never thought I’d be a person who had to talk themselves into lifting. In college Steve and Yarrow had to talk me out of as much of it as I wanted to do. But apparently consistent lifting is easier when you’re running 50-55 miles/week than when you’re running 80 miles/week. Go figure. I’ve now had an injury-free cycle of this nature, and hopefully I’ll be more prepared both mentally and physically to incorporate more lifting next time.
On the topic of next time…. I think ski season will be a good change of pace. And I’m excited to ski and race a different season. However, I’m leaving this running season with a distinct and tangible itch to give things another go. I’m excited about both the half and the full right now. A half because I ran an unofficial half PR this weekend in the first half of CIM, and I know that I can do some serious damage to that PR with more time. And the full because I’m leaving this season eager for another chance at 26.6 after this one didn’t go as planned.
It’s worth noting that ski season will bring new adventures and ups and downs, and undoubtedly I’ll come out of the end of February with at least slightly different feelings. But at least at of this moment, approximately 6.5 months out, Grandma’s is looking pretty darn appealing. I just gotta decide which distance……