Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 7290 times)


Gotta TRI

    kids

    On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his dad breakfast in bed. He makes scrambled eggs, toast and coffee. He brings it into his dad, hands him the cup of coffee and says,''Try it dad.'' The dad takes a sip and nearly passes out because it is so strong. The little boy asks,''How do you like it Dad?'' The dad doesn't want to hurt the little boy's feelings so he says, ''This is....something else, I've never tasted coffee quite like this before, Son.'' The little boy smiles from ear to ear. And says, ''Drink some more Pops.'' As the dad is drinking, he notices two army men in the bottom of the cup, and says,''Hey! Why did you put army men in here?'' The little boy again smiles and sings,''The Best Part Of Waking Up, Is SOLDIERS In Your Cup.''

    2010 Dec. California International Marathon 2011 Jan. Disney Marathon


    Gotta TRI

      Most people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

      Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet
      2010 Dec. California International Marathon 2011 Jan. Disney Marathon


      A Dance with Monkeys

        I heard my wife crying in the bathroom. "Honey? What's wrong" I asked.

        "Oh, George! Just look at me: I'm getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I'm just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!"

        I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: "Your vision's real good, honey. That's something, isn't it?"

        And that's when the fight started....

        - - -

        When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

        So I took her to a gas station.

        And that's when the fight started....

        - - -

        My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

        My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

        "Yes," I sighed, "She was my senior year girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

        "My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

        And that's when the fight started....

        - - -

        I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

        It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

        So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

        And that's when the fight started....

        - - -

        My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

        "No," she answered.

        I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

        She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

        So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

        And that's when the fight started....



          WOMEN'S REVENGE
          'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
          As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
          'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 
          'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
          and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


           



           
          UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
          (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
          I know I'm not going to understand women. 
          I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, 
          pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, 
          and still be afraid of a spider. 

          Leslie
          Living and Running Behind the Redwood Curtain
          -------------

          2014: May - MDW 70-Miles (w/Trail Factor 50k) - Cascade Crest, WA/Astoria, OR/Portland, OR

          June 7 - Grasshopper Peak Redwoods Run 30k - Humboldt Redwoods State Park, CA

          July 12 - Mt. Hood 50 - Mt. Hood, OR

          Oct 11 - Firetrails 50 - Lake Chabot, CA


          "The farther you go outside, the farther you go inside." (Unknown)
          Ultrarunnerpodcast

          Trail Runner Nation

          Fatozzi

          Silverfox70


            I know this is a joke thread but I found this funny, which is the purpose of a joke thread right?Smile

             

             

            It's a video that my job came up with.  They did a great job lol, I have seldom seen anything on YouTube so funny.  It's about adults working out in the kitchen.

             

            Strong As Steel



            ...---...

              San Francisco - 7/29/12

              Warrior Dash Ohio II - 8/26/12

              Chicago - 10/7/12


              Silverfox70


                Yeap, had me chuckling!

                   

                  *PONDERISMS*


                  I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

                   

                  Life is sexually transmitted.

                   

                  Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

                   

                  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


                   

                   

                  Suffering Benefiting from mature onset exercise addiction and low aerobic endorphin release threshold. Hoping there is no cure.

                    Women are Evil

                    A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural club... She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she
                    gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

                    "Actually, no," he replied.

                    "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and
                    into his hair.

                    "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

                    "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

                    "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

                    "Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."


                      BBQ RULES

                      July 4th is the day of the BBQ. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:

                      Routine...

                      (1) The woman buys the food.

                      (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

                      (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

                      (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three yard exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

                      Here comes the important part:

                      (5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

                      More routine...

                      (6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

                      (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

                      Important again:

                      (8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

                      More routine...

                      (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. Another beer should be included.

                      (10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

                      And most important of all:

                      (11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

                      (12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.


                      Gotta TRI

                        LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
                        > >

                        > > A stranger was seated next to a
                        > > little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to
                        > > her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights
                        > > go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

                        > > The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would
                        > > you like to talk about?' 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles..
                        > > OK, ' she said. 'That could be an  interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
                        > > A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while
                        > > a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

                        > > The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and  says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
                        > > To which the little girl replies,  'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit'?
                        2010 Dec. California International Marathon 2011 Jan. Disney Marathon
                        HOSS1961


                          Judge Judy to prostitute : 'So when did you realize you were raped?'
                          Prostitute,  wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced.'

                          HOSS 2009 Goals Have a healthy back and run w/o pain! Drop 15 pounds gained while injured
                          a.wesolowski


                            The Dept Of Defense briefed the president this morning. They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian Soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obama's face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears. Finally, he composed himself and asked, 'Just how many is a brazilian?' This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.

                             HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                            HOSS1961


                              Grandma’s Birth Control Pills<o:p>

                               <o:p>

                              The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the  medicines that had been prescribed for her.  As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.<o:p>

                               <o:p>

                              “<st2:personname><st1:title>Mrs.</st1:title> <st1:sn>Smith</st1:sn></st2Tongueersonname>, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?”<o:p>

                               <o:p>

                              “Yes, they help me to sleep at night.”<o:p>

                               <o:p>

                              “<st2:personname><st1:title>Mrs.</st1:title> <st1:sn>Smith</st1:sn></st2Tongueersonname>, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!”<o:p>

                              <o:p> </oTongue>

                               <o:p>

                              She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee.<o:p>

                              “Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks. . . .  And believe me, it helps me sleep at night.”<o:p>

                               <o:p>

                               <o:p>

                              “You gotta love Grandmas!”<o:p>

                              <o:p> </oTongue>

                               

                              HOSS 2009 Goals Have a healthy back and run w/o pain! Drop 15 pounds gained while injured
                              HOSS1961


                                Where'd the hell did the emoticons com from?????
                                HOSS 2009 Goals Have a healthy back and run w/o pain! Drop 15 pounds gained while injured