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Official RA Joke Thread! (Read 4552 times)
Mississippi
posted: 3/21/2007 at 8:01 PM
Go here....

http://www.dr-joe.net/quiz.html
"You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times so take a good look around. You may not know it now but you're gonna miss this" ~ Trace Adkins

RunningAhead.com Texas Independence Relay Team
zoom-zoom
Registered for #2
 posted: 3/21/2007 at 11:07 PM
Quote from jEfFgObLuE on 3/21/2007 at 6:51 PM:
2. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?

1. Hand me my lightsaber... it's the one that says, 'Bad MotherF***er.'


I LOVE these!

Big grin

k
Kirsten
'07: 1324.5 mi
'08: 1561 mi
...

• Ladies Locker Room •

.: 2009 Goals :.
• Run 1750 miles
• 2 marathons (May - Bayshore, Fall - ?)
• PRs: 5k ~ 15k ~ 25k? ~ HM ~ 26.2
• 1st trail relay (North Country)
JillyBeans
Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.
 posted: 3/27/2007 at 7:16 PM
A friend emailed these and I thought of this thread. Some are funny and some are not. Enjoy! Jilly Big grin

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ......... "HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."

Mississippi
posted: 3/30/2007 at 6:16 PM
A friend of mine showed me this website, it made me laugh so I thought I'd share it.

What's your slogan?
Go to this site & enter your name in the box & hit the Sloganize button. DON'T CHEAT, KEEP THE FIRST ONE THEY GIVE YOU.

www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

Mine was ---- Things Go Better with Michelle Tongue
"You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times so take a good look around. You may not know it now but you're gonna miss this" ~ Trace Adkins

RunningAhead.com Texas Independence Relay Team
jEfFgObLuE
Frustrating Project
 posted: 3/30/2007 at 6:21 PM
More Than Just a Jeff
20th Century: 800m: 2:04 |1600m: 4:37 |3200m: 10:06 |5k: 16:23 |10k: 35:38 |15k: 54:20
25k: 1:35:59

21st Century: 5k: 19:42 |10k: 43:00

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly, and they use too much vermouth."
Steve Allen

Oswald acted alone.
jEfFgObLuE
Frustrating Project
 posted: 3/30/2007 at 6:51 PM
Quote from jEfFgObLuE on 3/30/2007 at 6:21 PM:
More Than Just a Jeff


That same sight also has link to a movie quote generator. I got this:

"Say hello to my little Jeff!"
20th Century: 800m: 2:04 |1600m: 4:37 |3200m: 10:06 |5k: 16:23 |10k: 35:38 |15k: 54:20
25k: 1:35:59

21st Century: 5k: 19:42 |10k: 43:00

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly, and they use too much vermouth."
Steve Allen

Oswald acted alone.
Mississippi
posted: 3/30/2007 at 7:13 PM
Quote from jEfFgObLuE on 3/30/2007 at 6:51 PM:
That same sight also has link to a movie quote generator. I got this:

"Say hello to my little Jeff!"


LOL - Mine is:

Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty Michelle. Angry
"You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times so take a good look around. You may not know it now but you're gonna miss this" ~ Trace Adkins

RunningAhead.com Texas Independence Relay Team
Mississippi
posted: 3/30/2007 at 7:13 PM
Yours is from Ace Ventura Pet Detective...I have that movie. Blush
"You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times so take a good look around. You may not know it now but you're gonna miss this" ~ Trace Adkins

RunningAhead.com Texas Independence Relay Team
JakeKnight
posted: 3/30/2007 at 7:15 PM
First rule of JakeKnight Club is - you do not talk about JakeKnight Club.


Now there's some good advice.
E-mail: JakeKnight2002@aol.com
-----------------------------
voiceofgrog
posted: 3/30/2007 at 7:15 PM
My slogan: Get busy with the Mike

Uhh.... OK.
Personal Blog: Road To Chicago
Groups: 1000 Mile Club - Marathon Madness Mob - Jiggly Joggers - The Chicago Sweat Sox
JakeKnight
posted: 3/30/2007 at 7:17 PM
Quote from Mississippi on 3/30/2007 at 7:13 PM:
Yours is from Ace Ventura Pet Detective...I have that movie. Blush


Or maybe Scarface.
E-mail: JakeKnight2002@aol.com
-----------------------------
jEfFgObLuE
Frustrating Project
 posted: 3/30/2007 at 7:17 PM
Quote from Mississippi on 3/30/2007 at 7:13 PM:
Yours is from Ace Ventura Pet Detective...I have that movie. Blush


I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be 'Scarface' ("Say hello to my little friend!") Smile
20th Century: 800m: 2:04 |1600m: 4:37 |3200m: 10:06 |5k: 16:23 |10k: 35:38 |15k: 54:20
25k: 1:35:59

21st Century: 5k: 19:42 |10k: 43:00

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly, and they use too much vermouth."
Steve Allen

Oswald acted alone.
Mississippi
posted: 3/30/2007 at 7:22 PM
Quote from jEfFgObLuE on 3/30/2007 at 7:17 PM:
I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be 'Scarface' ("Say hello to my little friend!") Smile


I think we're both right....in the Pet Detective movie Jim Carey does a version of that with a skunk. Quality movie right there. Roll eyes
"You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times so take a good look around. You may not know it now but you're gonna miss this" ~ Trace Adkins

RunningAhead.com Texas Independence Relay Team
Bonkin
Reboot
 posted: 3/31/2007 at 1:09 AM
"Grab life by the Mike"
Your monkey gives me the creeps. - andahuff
BristolRunner
posted: 4/4/2007 at 6:50 PM
Mine was

The coolest Shaun on ice

I not a fan of the cold!!


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