Forums >Racing>Running a race with a buddy - etiquette question
<3's heckin long zoomies
Hello!
I'd love to hear the group's thoughts on the etiquette of running a race with a friend of a different pace group.
If this is in the wrong area, please let me know and I'll move it.
I have a couple of friends who like to run races with me. However, one is happy with her current pace and has no plans to go faster, and the other hadn't trained for the last 2 HMs we did together. Due to physical reasons and training effort, my pace is 3-5min/mi faster than theirs (I'm no speed demon, I just train a lot). I love cheering them on and have been fine with pacing them in the past for 5Ks, but the difference in our paces gets a little frustrating at anything longer than that.
My problem is twofold:
1. Due to the difference in pace, races done at their pace aren't really productive for my training purposes.
2. Both friends have acted kind of frustrated with the fact that I have no problem running at their maximum effort. (I don't brag or anything. However, I don't really get short of breath at their paces.)
The first problem I can deal with by not counting it as part of my "training program." However, I would love advice on how to handle the second issue. These are the solutions I've come up with so far are:
What would you do? Is there some commonly-known etiquette that I'm not aware of?
Thanks in advance!
Started running - 2014
1st marathon - 2017
Still trying to figure out a good training plan that works for me.
This is my personal opinion:
If its just 5ks and if they are real friends just have fun with them. That's what life is about anyways. As for the more serious races like the hm and full I am sure they won't expect you to stay behind? Otherwise openly talk about it. If they are real friends they will understand.
My 2 cents.
Good luck and stay healthy! You have a lot on your plate for 2018!
HM: 1:47 (9/20) I FM: 3:53:11 (9/23)
2024 Goals: run a FM & HM + stay healthy!
an amazing likeness
I'm wondering why you seemingly are choosing to frame this as 'all or nothing' in terms of only 1 right path forward...?
You know you are faster than your run partners. They know you are faster, as well.
If you want and chose to run a race with them, then you need to run at their pace. If they want you to pace/push them to finish harder in that particular event, you simply discuss this in advance, often setting A, B, and even C goals for time, feel, effort.
If you want to run a race for your effort and goal, announce that as your plan, and then do it. This isn't a case of 'no one left behind, we're all together' -- it's a road race. You share the before and after of the experience, but when the gun sounds you're off to do your thing.
Vastly different scenarios.
An analogy...you all decide to go to a movie together. You pick the cinema, and the movie. Afterwards you have some who loved it, other may not have.
Or you decide to go to the cinema together. After the lobby everyone goes to the movie they want. Afterwards you reconvene and discuss the movie each went to.
You don't co-mingle the two scenarios.
Acceptable at a dance, invaluable in a shipwreck.
Mother of Cats
My problem is twofold: 1. Due to the difference in pace, races done at their pace aren't really productive for my training purposes. 2. Both friends have acted kind of frustrated with the fact that I have no problem running at their maximum effort. (I don't brag or anything. However, I don't really get short of breath at their paces.)
This reads to me as 1) you don't enjoy running at their pace and 2) they aren't enjoying it when you run with them.
Seems like there's a very easy answer: run separately and hang out after.
Everyone's gotta running blog; I'm the only one with a POOL-RUNNING blog.
And...if you want a running Instagram where all the pictures are of cats, I've got you covered.
Women are weird.
Are they "racing"? If not, then everyone should run as easy as the slowest person needs to go to go easy. If they are racing and want you to pace them, then they need to suck it up and act like an adult if they don't like that it is easier for you and you don't breathe as hard. If they can't get over themselves, suggest alternative activities ( or find alternative "friends" ).
This part is kind of what I was asking. I'm relatively new to the running community, so I'm still trying to learn all the etiquette.
Sorry if I came off as a jerk in my post.
I'll try asking them what their goals/wants are prior to signing up for races in the future and go from there.
Thanks to everyone who answered!
Do you have the chance to race sometimes on your own? If you do a lot of races, it doesn't really matter if some are fun runs and some are real efforts, but if you don't race often, then you are losing the opportunity to push yourself. If you want to improve, that seems like a waste of time and money.
Personally, I would rather meet up before and after, then run the race itself at your best effort. It's different if you are occasionally asked to pace someone to a PR, but if your friends just want to run easy, then you have no obligation to do likewise if you enjoy racing hard.
English Villian
I would vote that everyone runs their own race and meets at the end.
tomatolover
I get what you are saying here... in a similar quandary myself with my boyfriend’s first 10k coming up in a week...I will be running with him to spur him ugo in reality, this may prove as annoying to him as it might be to me (there will be walking, I am sure). I’m going into it as the person who will distract him from the distance (his longest to date) and just keep him thinking about the afterbrunch party we will have as a reward.
Chief Unicorn Officer
I train with people of all different paces. Sometimes I’m the fast one, sometimes I’m the slowest.
First, when it comes to races, I don’t think it’s right of them to expect you to run with them unless you’ve explicitly said you will. I’ve gone on trips with a friend who is slower and explicitly said we could run together. That’s fine. A regular race, I think everyone should expect that another person will want to do their best and run their race. No one should ever be mad at another person for trying to do their best. So you’re not in the wrong for wanting to race at your pace.
Second though, when I am the fastest runner in a training group I’m very careful about what I say or do during that run. I’m very cognizant of not saying things like “oh haha this is my easy day!!” Or “I don’t mind running slower, this is such a nice break from the usual!” I think that comes off as rude. If the slower person mentions it, I usually say something about how on other days of the week I run with people who are faster than me because I don’t want the “slower” people to think I can’t relate to them. Just be very cognizant of the things you say.
And for the record, training slower once in awhile won’t kill you. My one running partner is much, much faster than me—under 3 hours for a marathon, under 18:00 for 5K (as a woman!). We meet up once a week or maybe every other week. She never makes me feel like a burden and I think the “recovery” miles actually help her.
Mile 5:49 - 5K 19:58 - 10K 43:06 - HM 1:36:54
#2.
Races are races, not a fun run for socializing.
Races are for measuring your PERSONAL current level of performance, not your current level of relationships.
Make sure that everyone understands this before the gun goes off so no feelings are hurt.
Nothing wrong with running with or near each other and giving encouragement if it's conducive to your goal of the fastest time possible for that day. But if it slows you or them down to stick together, don't. Socialize at the post-race party.
60-64 age group - University of Oregon alumni - Irreverent and Annoying
Mmmm Bop
#2
Why waste money entering races to jog with friends when you could easily do that on training runs with them?
Use races to monitor YOUR fitness...and tell your friends to run more.
5k - 17:53 (4/19) 10k - 37:53 (11/18) Half - 1:23:18 (4/19) Full - 2:50:43 (4/19)
There is no etiquette related to running races with friends.
All comes to the friendship dynamics as well as expectations and commitments.
If I pay for a race where I want to run my best, I don't expect anyone pacing me all the way or, otherwise, get mad at me because I didn't wait.
If I committed to pace somebody, then I have to keep my word.
This year a friend talked me into running a Marathon where both wanted to BQ. He's an ultrarunner who paces himself very conservative, and I was just returning. Training went so well that, at the start, he didn't want to go with me, he planned to go easier but I convinced him that I wouldn't push beyond 5 secs of his planned pace. Sure enough, at Km33 he took off and put almost 2 minutes on me. (I ran a 12 sec "positive" split). He was not mad at the start, and I wasn't at the end (I knew this all the time given his mileage). For me it was very enjoyable to run with a friend, for him, I probably helped him shave 3 minutes given his original plan.
Old , Ugly and slow
if your friend ask you pace them that is fine.
But otherwise you should both run your own race.
first race sept 1977 last race sept 2007
2019 goals 1000 miles , 190 pounds , deadlift 400 touch my toes
I started 1 Boston with 5 friends. We stayed close for the first 9 miles then seemed to break off. We had an agreement to meet after since we carpooled
First 26.2 I ran the entire race with a friend. If either stopped for any reason, the other stayed. Next year I sent him off after 3 miles because he was faster but ended up beating him so perhaps he went out too fast. 1 26.2 I ran 24 miles with my RP. Except for #1, we had agreements to run at our own paces.