I Got Dissed By a Bicyclist (Read 2804 times)

I hate cyclists. With a passion. Not a small passion, either. My passionate hatred for chubby, rude, spandex-clad bikers rivals the white-hot burning flame of a thousand fiery suns. Present company excluded, of course. You're all obviously lithe, friendly, and well-mannered. Even if you do still wear the silly suit. But with that said, its damn nice to see a few bikers who recognize what a lot of their fellow bikers do wrong. So thank you. Getting dissed by a cyclist is a badge of honor. I've twice almost come to blows with one of the !@#$Q's. If they swear at you, you're probably doing something right. For all you bikers, here's a few friendly tips for you: 1) You're a vehicle. That's the law. Act like it. Use the road. Move with traffic. It ain't rocket science. 2) Runners are pedestrians. That's the law. You yield to them. (And they better be on the side of the road, and running against traffic). 3) Since you're a vehicle, that speed limit applies to you, too. If its posted 20 mph, you don't get to do 50 mph just cuz its a killer downhill and gravity really sucks your big butt downwards and all that high-speed spandex really cuts down on the friction. You get to go 20 mph, too. 4) If you ignore rule 3, and you're going way too fast ... at least consider slowing down around blind turns. Or if you can't manage that, at least get in the middle of the road where you belong. See rule # 1. 5) If you ignore rules 3 and 4, you're inevitably going to find somebody waiting around that blind curve at some point. I'm hoping its a large downed tree. That's what you deserve. Unfortunately, you'll almost certainly find a pet or a child. Especially if you're doing this in a public park, you spandex-clad freak. Or worst of all, you might find a runner coming the other direction. If its me, say your prayers. Bonus tip: you don't really *have* to scream at the top of your lungs to talk to the guy on the bike next to you. You really don't. I swear. While I appreciate hearing your conversation about your anal warts from 3 miles away, I swear if you talk like a normal human being, you'll hear each other. Really. Give it a try. -------------------------- Sorry. Bikers. I find them irksome. Present company excluded. Hey, at least I stopped at rule 5. I could have gone on.

Classic I'll add on to the list 6. Don't yell "left" in my ear when you are passing me. I can hear your stupid spokes from a mile away. I don't mind the normal holler from 10 yards away. 7. If you are riding with 2 people move your ass behind the other biker when coming from the opposite direction. Don't think I won't keep my path and knock your ass right off that bike. Now don't get me wrong, us runners can be flawed too. However, if we all can accept these nasty little truths and make an effort to correct them then I see no reason why we can't co-exist.

My typical encounter with cyclists is like this: I'm running along the nearby lake when I see a rag-tag bunch of overweight suburbanites on $3,000 - $5,000 status symbols doing their best to maintain some semblance of a "pace line" but really getting strung out with 3-10 feet between them, not really in a line, with their fat bellies bulging out of their spandex racing wear. As they hurtle toward me at the breakneck speed of 11 mph the one in the front will yell, "Runner up!" which will unleash a chain reaction as if they are singing a round. "Runner up!" "Runner up!" "Runner up!" "Runner up!" etc. It always reminds me of the little toy soldiers in Toy Story yelling, "hut, hut, hut, hut..." Part of me wants to turn around and run along side them for a hundred yards to tell them that it's broad daylight, they're on flat ground, they're not really all that close to each other, I'm on the sidewalk and they're barely moving...but I don't want to burst their bubble. So I just laugh to myself and keep on.

I think he was referring to the bike, not the cyclist.

They are equally evil. But without the bike, the cyclist cannot be. Thus, it is wholly appropriate to label the bike as the First of the Great Evils.

Just out of curiousity, are you sure she didn't mutter a "thank you" and it just sounded like eff you?

What a good question!

I'm not sure if I agree with this. It's kind of like saying that without NASCAR, there would be no rednecks.

There would still be rednecks, but there would be no drivers, and no stupid "Junior Nation" ads on the radio.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAOHhV1EFe4

They are equally evil. But without the bike, the cyclist cannot be. Thus, it is wholly appropriate to label the bike as the First of the Great Evils.

Chicken and egg argument for without the rider the bike can't be evil by itslef. Unless of course there is a parallel to Steven King's Christine in the bike world. As for your encounter, perhaps she was merely singing her latest gansta tune with the IPOD. not likely I bike to work a couple of days a week and use a multi-purpose rails-to-trails route (Monon trail - I highly recommend this if you are in Indy) and I get lots of crap comments from walkers - of course they are walking shoulder to shoulder and waving their arms for a more lively discussion. I can't wait to get clotheslined while running or biking some day. Other runners and other bikers I encounter on the trail are a polite group and share the road. Perhaps its because lots of folks seem to do both up here. Next time yell something at the offender while the pedal away. I find that comments such as "I didn't know spandex could stretch that far" seem to help the situation.