Well, I've got a law degree and I'm a member of the CA State Bar. So technically, yes, I'm an attorney, but I don't practice law. Basically, the only reason I went to law school was because I didn't know what else to do and because I'm freakishly good at standardized tests.

I am envious. If I could find something else that paid the bills I would gladly do it.

As far as manners go, I have one of those big Emily Post books that I use as a door stop. Does that count?

Didn't mean you had to have Finishing School type manners. It's just important to be able to be elegant but then not too prissy to eat pizza or chicken with your hands.

Thanks to the good people at Nars, my hands are passable, but my dreams of becoming a professional hand model have long since died.

Good enough for me.

That's such a nice offer for Monkey - I think I may take you up on it.

Please do. I'm smitten. Sshhhhh!

Sometimes I think all high school students should be required to read The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell. A lot of us probably would have been spared a lot heartache and sleepless nights if we had just followed our bliss when we were younger.

So it's too late for me? I wish I would have read On The Road when I was in high school. Maybe I should read it again. My knees hurt. Damn.

Please. Men are young until they're, like, 55. Completely unfair. Sorry about your knees. Have the shots kicked in yet?

Apparently I've been gone too long again. Marcus fell out of love for me and now has hopelessly goo-goo over Amy. Dam, thought I had a fore sure thing there. And Marcus is now drinking shots. I'm going to check into those books. I'm in a book club now. It's a pretty impressive group, hopefully I can fake my way through it.

Apparently I've been gone too long again. Marcus fell out of love for me and now has hopelessly goo-goo over Amy. Dam, thought I had a fore sure thing there. And Marcus is now drinking shots. I'm going to check into those books. I'm in a book club now. It's a pretty impressive group, hopefully I can fake my way through it.

Sorry Bugs. I am a sucker for double browns. It's nothing personal. I was just programmed this way so blame whomever created me. Why the hell am I not sleeping right now?

Boys are silly and fickle. He'll forget about me by tomorrow and return to you, his first RA love. What book are you reading now?

When he breaks your heart I'll be there for you. We'll spend until our credit cards are maxed, run our butts off, and eat chocolate till we puke. I am reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. A memoir of a family that is dysfunctional but on the other hand admirable. Next month's book is actually Our Lady of the Forest by David Guterson but I'm waiting to get it from Amazon. Next month I am not drinking the wine or eating five bars. Ugh..no wonder I'm still downing Pepto Bismo.

Shoot me your email address (mlschantz@gmail.com) and I will forward you this insane middle of the night rant I have been authoring for the last hour. I would post it, but it's a little too much. I am not sure you or anyone wants to read it.

Dam, It's 5:23 a.m. and would love nothing more than a good knee rant. Come on, even you can't tell us about your pain who can you?

I agree! This is the place for long knee rants! I hope you get some relief, Marcus.

See log. I am optimistic. But it's always half full with me. I will have to make a major decision about this time next week. If I can't bring my A game, I will back up and punt.

Marcus, ever tried graston? I swear by it.

Um...what the hell is it dear?