12.1 for me. Last 6 at NMP - haha New Marathon Pace.

GREAT run. I had so much on my mind I am sure that is why it was great haha. It was also mid 40's..so it was nice not to have to put on gloves. The last 6 I did between 9:30 and 9:50 - the first mile was tough getting into the zone. Especially since I have not done anything speed work related in weeks. But..I got the hang of it around mile 7. Actually, my watch kept beeping that I was going too fast! Either way I found it uncomfortably comfortable. If that makes sense? Gives me hope for that faster time!

HCBF came home last night unexpectedly. He is a good one - he knows when he needs to be home. Uhm..the conversation wasn't fun. Nothing was accomplished - which is completely fine and I wasn't expecting anything. But I can tell you I feel incredibly guilty. He had said the night before he was talking to a friend of his about how he would propose. I feel like I ruined everything. This is so hard. It almost makes me want to say..fine forget it I can do without those monsters. BUT I can't settle...and I am worried what will happen 3-4 years from now if I do. Hate? Resentment? I feel bad that I didn't want them 6 months ago but can see them in my future now. I think it has a lot to do with my love for him..I know he would be a good dad and I would love to take the adventure with HIM. Not anyone else but with HIM. Ugh. I am just giving him space and letting him process. These are just the crazy thoughts in my head. Tough times. Swollen eyes.

That is my rant. Sorry everyone I know my venting about this issue is old..I am just not all sunshine and flowers right now.

I have to get through this day somehow!

Laura – I think you were overdue for a quiet day at work! OMG I LOVE Vanderpump Rules!!! Doesn’t that start on Monday?! Have you watched Below Deck? That is another really good one.

Sandy – OH MAN you have lots of potential plans this weekend! That is awesome. Sometimes its nice to have busy weekends after some low key ones. I am not sure what we are doing. I am going to the Bizarre Bizarre with a co-worker tomorrow – probably very similar to your European Christmas Market in a way. I am hoping to find some unique Christmas gifts! Not sure what else is on tap…Oh so Santa came early at your house?! That was actually pretty smart. LOL. Oh I was too angry yesterday to speak to these boys..but today..there will be a conversation.

Run4kupcakes – Glad you got the dishwasher figured out! Funny about the lab. I am wondering if they are just drug sniffing dogs or something. They had said they are trained to pick up explosives with their nose. So I have no idea. I guess we will see. We are actually a terrorist target..we hold a lot of financial data on our servers.

Tessa – Good luck on the early run tomorrow! Driveway repair..ughhhh. Not fun

Happy Friday everyone!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DIANE!   

Thursday I gathered myself together and did 55 minutes down in the park. After that I raked leaves for 30 minutes at DC’s backyard. All the leaves over there are falling at once. Before supper I did 45 minutes of meditation and yoga. My yoga cushion came today and it is perfect for posture. I’m so glad I ordered it.

Today I plan a duplicate of yesterday but a slightly shorter run. More leaves. I also need to do some scheduled weights work for the arms this morning. It’s as though they are getting weaker by the day. :::going to get the weights:::  

Safe and happy runs, All! 

Happy Birthday Diane!!

As of right now, I'm thinking I'll take another rest day. Still a little off from yesterday. I don't know the last time I took two days off in a row, I guess it's just mega tapering for next weekend's marathon. I did get my Black Friday purchase for myself delivered last night and am oddly extremely excited to try it: https://www.amazon.com/Steamfast-SF-275-Canister-Steam-Cleaner/dp/B0000DBJ2J - I want to clean all the things!

Liz, fantastic run! In my experience, MP pace during training feels hard but not impossible (or uncomfortably comfortable as you put it). You're usually able to hold the pace (although sometimes I can't even do that), but you think "this is hard, how will I able to do this for 26 miles?" but then come race day, when you're all tapered, that same pace feels easy. Well, at first - at some point during the race it starts feeling hard. I'm glad you and HCBF are talking. I know it's hard and scary, but you guys are so awesome together and you both deserve to be happy.

Judy, wow, that's a lot of working out yesterday (I'm counting the leaf raking as an additional workout)!

On the labs as security dogs, I know that some lab puppies that don't make it as guide dogs do make it as bomb-sniffing dogs. I remember walking up to the ferry terminal for the NYC Marathon with my friend that raises puppies, and there were about a dozen cops with labs and she just melted. But I'm with Tessa, I don't see them being a big deterrent to any people because they love all the people. Although Riley barks at people sometimes, especially if they are staying at our house. Every morning the first time they come down the stairs, the get barked at until he remembers they are here and they are supposed to be here (fair warning, Lisa and Kat). But even then, that seems to be more that he just likes barking at things, or if anything, gets scared of something new and he barks when he's scared. Even Jake, who was kind of an asshole, would hop up and down in glee when someone came to the front door.

Happy Birthday, Diane!  And Happy December 1st Day!  That is the holiday that DH designated as a celebration for us, he doesn't celebrate Sweetest Day.  He thinks it's a "made-up" holiday and he can make one up just as well.     We will go out to dinner tonight, nothing special, maybe hamburgers!    Did my PF exercises this morning, I'm hoping to run outside tomorrow!  Excitement!  

Lizzie, nice job on the NMP.  I call it DMP, dream marathon pace.    Aww, sweet of HCBF to come home.  I'm sorry that things weren't resolved, but I would have been surprised if they had been!  Don't feel guilty about the way you feel about kids now and that it changed.  It happens!  Better to figure things out now and not down the road.  Yes, I am running every other day now!  So far, so good.  The foot is a little sore after the run but it is fine the day after.  I think that's as good as I can ask for.  DD did wake up when she heard the door close.  But she didn't see me.    You're right, Christmas is a magical time, regardless of Santa.

Judy, you are doing well with the meditation and yoga lately!

Diane, happy birthday again.    Nice job on the TM!  I'm not Damaris , but I am guessing your cadence is slower on the TM than outdoors, which is what Garmin uses to guesstimate your indoor distance and the resulting pace (it uses your cadence on the TM and outdoor stride length).  You can compare your cadence/stride length on Garmin Connect for a TM workout vs outdoors.  I use the TM distance and adjust it on the Garmin website.  I normally just set the TM to a comfortable pace and go with it.     I am guessing that is what's happening, does the pace displayed on the TM feel about right?

Karen, wow, that's a nice purchase.    Too bad you can't come here and clean my things.    I'm glad the procedure went well!  I just found out there is history of colon cancer on my mom's side of the family.  So I suppose I should get a colonoscopy sooner.  But I'm also almost 50 anyway.  

Damaris, the concert looks like it was fun.  My girls love Lady Gaga.  

Laura, I sometimes do the tooth fairy thing in the morning.  Once I went running and forgot.  Oops!  

Sandy, oh yeah, St. Nick's.  We never did that when I was a kid!  Ha, the kids yelled at DH one year when he lit a fire in the fireplace on Christmas Eve.    Haha, your parents were smart.  Our kids are pretty good about staying in their room once they go to bed on Christmas Eve, so they don't scare Santa away!  We use the NASA Santa Tracker to show them where Santa is heading.  

Kupcakes, I read about the earthquake in Delaware!  I assume that is fairly rare for the area?

Tessa, DD once had a tooth come out after she went to bed and didn't tell us.  Then she was wondering why the tooth fairy didn't come.    I told her that it was probably too late, the tooth fairy had already headed out for the night and didn't know about it.  

Happy Friday, all!

Cathy

Cathy, congrats and celebrate well tonight!

TGIF!

Lizzie, keep breathing.  So, question for you.  What if HCBF says no to kids.  What then?  So you see the monsters in your future.  But you say you only see them with HIM.  Do you end your relationship?  Then there is no chance of kids with HIM - the only one you see them with.  There is also no guarantee you will find someone else worthy of having kids with in the future.  Granted, you are only 30.  But what then?  What if you don't find someone?  Do you not have them at all?  Do you do it on your own through adoption?  As you are waiting on him, I think you need to evaluate you as well beyond the desire and what you are going to do if the answer is no, beyond the devastation you are going to feel.  Do you give up on him in hopes of something as good in your future?  Flip side, do you stay knowing that you almost certainly won't have them?  Will you feel resentment??  I don't envy you with this and wish you all the best.  Good luck finding clarity through this.  XOXO

Judy, you always amaze me with the dedication you have.

Diane, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!  Sounds like a nice one so far.  Good luck with the TM.

Karen, have fun with your new toy.  Strange, but awesome.  Enjoy your extra "taper" day.

Cathy, you are awesome in continuing the fantasies of Santa/Tooth Fairy, etc...  Kids need that in the face of all the horrid things in our society nowadays.  Keep em kids for as long as possible...  Enjoy dinner.

Damaris, glad you enjoyed the concert, sounded fun.  I bet she puts on one heck of a show. Yay for Bugsy.

Got up late with lots to do this morning.  Since I am going out right after work I need to get ready for the race tomorrow now.

Katie Kitty is sounding much better.  Still snotty, but improved.  X-rays are scheduled for Tuesday if she will tolerate them without sedation.  I am not keen on sedation at this current time.

K

Kat, thanks!  You bring up good points.  One way I've discovered with hard decisions are the 5 Whys.  Why do I feel this way, why does it matter, why is this a big deal, why say no, why say yes....they can be configured for any situation (I use them for audits too).  And they always lead to good discussions, altho they can be painful.