Notes
4x1K, Thresh, CV, Thresh, Thresh. 6x200 @ BTTW
I felt really good this run. I didn't have a strong pack, which is totally okay, things happen.
I want to celebrate my teammate's successes, but I can't help but feel disheartened by the fact that half of my original pack has moved up to a faster pack, and I haven't moved. To me, it feels like everyone is getting faster and I'm just stuck. I don't want to be stuck, I want to be an All-American. While I don't see that anywhere within my reach this season, I want to help my teammates get there.
Today Clare Davison commented that I looked confident today during my workout. And I really felt confident. I've usually struggled in that department due to stress and/or anxiety and being scared that I "wasn't good enough." I feel that way because my high school coach beat that into my head. I know this isn't high school, and I know Chapman doesn't like us to compare this to high school because this isn't high school but I can't seem to move on from the feeling of being told I have a problem because I'm scared that someone is faster than me.
Thank you for reading my bi-weekly to tri-weekly meltdown, I know I only really write a lot on workouts or long runs. But that's usually when I have a lot on my mind and things tend to fall out of my brain and onto the keyboard. I'm gonna shut up now. If you've read this far, thank you and I'm sorry.
xoxo
carl :)