Notes
This was a typical race morning except I was much more calm and just really felt ready. It seemed like almost nothing compared to the nerves I had 5 weeks ago for pumpkinman. I was like “wow, I only need my garmin and shoes”. I really felt rested and ready. I wasn’t sure what I was really capable of, I was just going to go with it. Plan was to stick close to 3:15 pacer and then slowly pull away, was really hoping to be closer to 3:12.
Headed to the race I had all 3 of our race bibs. I checked each bag, read the name and number, making sure they were all there and no issues. Handed Cremer his bag and put mine by my feet and McCullough’s behind his seat. We get to the race and park and we all start putting on our bibs and then layer after layer to stay warm. So once the bib was on I put a sweatshirt over it. Never looked at the number again, because I had checked them when we left the Y and put mine in front of me, so of course it was my bib, ha.
Potty break and then Cremer and I lined up. Right at the 3:15pacer as we had discussed. That was where I wanted and he wanted to hang with me so we waited. About 5 minutes before start tossed my sweats and sweatshirt and tried to get my mind ready. I love the start, that excitement and anticipation, it’s such a great feeling.
Gun goes off and we go. I love that first mile. It so quiet, everything but the sound of thousands of feet hitting the pavement. So many people all doing something that we love and have trained for. That’s it, after mile 1 I am done with other runners. Just looking for a way to get to a good spot without people so close to me. We were crowded for quite a while. Around mile 2 I was already hot. So I decided to remove one of my long sleeve shirts. I had two and the top one I really liked and didn’t want to part with, the under one was old and I was ok ditching it. I did not expect this at all. It’s been so long since I have run in this kind of cold I thought for sure I would be fine. Anyway I decided I could get the undershirt off just fine while running but I had pinned my bib through both shirts accidently, only on two pins though. One at a time I unpinned the bib from the undershirt and re-pinned it to my top shirt, risky business. Then I got my arms out of the undershirt and back into the top shirt one at a time. Then over the head and on the ground. I is a miracle that I did not pin myself, or trip or any other sort of catastrophe. Almost did just after trip over a cone. Well I did trip on the cone but somehow stayed on my feet. We were not even at mile 3 yet.
The half runners turned and it started to clear out but not enough. There was a large group in front of us that was with the 3:15 pacer, all running our pace but it was making me feel claustrophobic and anxious so I had to pick up and go around them. I was finally in a spot to kind of settle in then. I never really did. Greg and I would be back and forth, him in front of me slightly, then me and back. It never really felt like I was just on cruise control, though the splits were consistent I didn’t feel like I was running at a consistent pace. Around mile 8 Greg said he was going to slow to 7:30, I was not, I felt like 7:20 was good. My breathing didn’t feel labored, but my legs were already having various weaknesses, but I really just thought it was in my head and to let it go. Mile 7 both my ITBs were getting tight, but nothing I was overly concerned about. Anyway I made it a mile without Greg then I heard him talking to someone right behind me. I turned around “what the hell?!” and we were beside each other again. I told Greg around Mile 10 that it was starting to feel like work. I thought it was just going to be a cycle that in the next couple of miles I would come out of. Took gu and thought maybe once that kicked it I would be good. Went over the bridge and almost at the half and the crowd gave me a bit more life. Right at the half I grabbed Greg’s hand so that we literally held hands through the half (I’m a dork I know it). Somewhere here Greg pulled me a bit for a mile, then he was behind me again. This stretch we had some wind and I was ready to cross the bridge and change directions. Just before the bridge I plugged in and thought I would try to get out of my head and find a groove. It was definitely starting to take a toll, I was working. I lost Greg in here somewhere. Over the bridge around mile 18 and another change of direction. Well the wind seemed to be coming at me again. I noticed I had picked up, probably the tunes. Thought I should just go with it. Maybe I would be able to hold it, or worst case slow back to 7:20 or so.
Mile 20 I was struggling with my mind. My Quads were on fire. My ITBs were so tight. Each step would stretch it and then it would go back and tighten just a bit more. I knew it was going to be grind. Mile 21 I was pep talking, “all you have to do Alicia is just fucking hold on, a few more miles, at least you haven’t shit yourself, it could be worse” Mile 22, I felt my body slow, saw the proof on my watch, my mind went dark. I tried to say just hold on until around 24, then hopefully McCullough finds me again and I can just let him pull me in. My pace dropped again then next mile. I knew the 3:12 was out the window, but it could still be PR, so just keep going. As your mind keeps getting these discouraging reminders that your goal is gone it is hard to want to keep pushing. My mind kept telling me, “what’s the point, your not going to get your goal now, just walk” then I fight myself and say “no you can’t walk, no fucking way, keep moving and stop bitching”. The miles seem forever long, my mind is playing games, my body just hurts it really is some sort of personal hell we put ourselves in. I really focused a bit on what exactly I was feeling and took it all in. it was just my legs, they were bricks and hurt so damn badly and were so tired. Every step took so much effort to make it. And for the last few miles the wind was working against me. Then I saw McCullough and well I knew I wasn’t going to pick up but he would help me hold on. I knew with him around I wasn’t walking as I so desperately wanted to. I did stop at the last couple of water stops to drink and just have that brief moment of relief. Greg tells me I had better finish well because I was running for him. I was so confused, a minute later I ask him how he did, he says “you mean how you did?” I looked at his bib then and realized what he was telling me. Then looked at my own. Ha I couldn’t believe it. Then I was back to hell. To make it worse I saw the 3:15 pacer with 4 woman running well with him pass me “fuck!” I yelled. Couldn’t believe it. I was so mad. But let it go, I couldn’t go any faster no matter how desperately I wanted to. Finally finished, felt like the longest couple of miles of my life.
We got the bib situation taken care of, they were very good about it. Then changed up, food, and home. Overall happy with it. A PR is a PR, cant bitch about that. I think it was good for me to finish this way so that i didn’t start to think that my first Baystate experience was the norm, its not, this one is more normal. I think if I had not picked up at all I would have held on longer and maybe finished better, but live and learn, now I know.