Notes
FUCK. Well, the course is long but not that long. I never fucking had it mentally today. I gave up by the mile. The winner ran 16:18 and he went by Steve and me at .5 mile and I didn't even blink. I let him go. Steve F and I ran together to mile 1.5 (first mile 5:16) and then he dropped me. I could have gone with him but didn't want to get out of the gear. I was racing in that 9 out of 10 mode. I fucking put more effort into my workouts than I did this race. At 2 miles Steve F. had me by 12 seconds (10:36 for me) and I said, OK this is where I make my move. I went from 4th to winning the race 2 years ago in the last mile and this was about the same distance back this year. 4th place was no where to be seen. I knew with a strong push I could get him. But I never went. I was trying every trick in my head to shake out of it and run harder but ultimately I didn't want to make that move. I reeled him in by accident near the end and he only beat me by 2 seconds but it was never that close. Even when I saw him coming back to me and knew a sprint would probably get him, I stayed in that gear. I'm am furious right now. I can tell myself all those things, like I am training for a marathon not a 5K. I never do short repeats, etc but I am more mad that I was never mentally in the race. What a fucking joke I am. I can't remember the last bad race I had under a half marathon. I own the 5K distance the last 2.5 years. I used to go out in the lead and not let anyone fucking pass me. If they were going to beat me it would be in the last mile not the first. Zero fucking confidence, zero racing toughness today. I'm surprised I didn't trip over my labia in the last mile.