Notes
Cliff Notes version: I am touched and should probably be committed from now on.
I was Sofa King tired, struggling along the Avenue in Lexington and wondering if my mind had written a check my legs couldn't cover. Then the Blessed Event took place, I felt someone goose me from behind. I spun around, fully expecting to see Gordon Pilotte but Gordo was nowhere to be seen. I was alone, and I realized it could only be the Flying Spaghetti Monster's Noodly Appendage that had touched me. My drunken prayers had been answered.
I felt filled with His playful ass-grabbing spirit, and Tebowed to thank Him. When I arose, I found myself running with a renewed sense of purpose and commitment and knew with His help I would make it home safely.