Notes
I'll just post the reddit post I made regarding this race-- it sums everything up decently enough.
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I have been dealing with a little mental battle after my first 26.2 this past weekend, and just wanted to vent.
This past weekend, I completed my first full Marathon (Marine Corps Marathon). I started running in January of 2017, so I'm happy to have been able to accomplish this in under two years, but the overall experience of crossing that finish line wasn't exactly what I had hoped for. I've been training hard for the past five months leading up to the race. I encountered an injury which set me back slightly early on, but for the most part, I have been able to get a majority of my runs in as scheduled, only having to modify the intensity of some of them (i.e. speed runs and hard workouts sometimes had to be switched to easy runs, but of the same mileage).
Anyways, long story short, my intention was to run this marathon all the way through, not having to walk any of it-- that was my primary goal. I am supposedly in sub 4 hour shape (3:45:00 shape more specifically, according to my coach) so I decided to try and get under the 4 hour mark, on top of my primary goal of just crossing that finish line. I set out strong and everything was going perfectly-- I was on par to hit that goal for a majority of the race, but it all came to an end around mile 22. My legs began flushing with lactic acid and the pain was just unbearable-- ultimately, I succumbed and had to come to a walk. I tried to pick up running as quickly as I could, but after getting back up to speed again, it wasn't long before my legs were in agony again, bringing me back to a walk. The last 5 miles were pretty much a combination of walking and jogging as much as I could. It was SOOO frustrating. I wanted to just power through and finish this damn thing despite the pain, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't push through the agony. Mentally and cardio wise, I was in great shape-- my legs just wouldn't do what my mind was telling them to without causing me excruciating pain. I slowly watched my goal slip away from me as I powered forward as best as I was capable of, ultimately finishing at 4 hours, 20 minutes.
I crossed the finish line, and rather than feeling triumphant that I finished my first marathon, I only felt deflated, and extremely pissed off that all of that training had gone to waste. I didn't accomplish my goal of running the entire course, OR finishing in under four hours... and those feelings of disappointment superseded any feeling of elation that I was hoping to feel wrapping up my first full.
Since then, I've come to terms with my accomplishment, especially after hearing the wonderful words of support my family and friends showered upon me afterwards. In retrospect, I AM proud of traversing 26.2 miles on my feet, despite not having been able to do it in the pace and time that I wanted. But, I still have a chip on my shoulder about it-- and still feel a tad defeated. Now that I think about it rationally, however, why am I being so ridiculous? Two years ago, I couldn’t even run a quarter mile, and I just finished a friggen MARATHON—what the hell am I beating myself up for!? I know I’m being too hard on myself, and I’ve read similar stories from other runners in the past. I think this is something that some of us runners do all too often—we’re too hard on ourselves for things we have no business being disappointed in. ALWAYS be proud of crossing ANY finish line, and ENJOY the experience getting there. If you fail to achieve a goal, there is always going to be another opportunity down the line for you to try again.
On that note, I have an option to run another marathon in Philadelphia 3 weeks from now. A redemption run, if you will. I'm thinking about slowing the pace down, and eliminating time goals altogether, and just focusing on making it from the start to finish without stopping. Hopefully I’m able to pull it off this time, and hopefully I’ll get that feeling of triumph that I missed out on the first time around.
Happy running all. Thanks for listening to me vent!