I'm writing today to update you on the incredible progress that I have made since my knee injury in early December. Tomorrow, some of you will say, "Tramps rants and raves." I'm not ranting and raving. I'm just telling you. I don't think there's ever been a runner who in this short period of time has done what I’ve done. I turn on the T.V., open the newspapers and I see stories of chaos. Chaos! Yet it is the exact opposite. I’m running like a fine-tuned machine.

Today, I ran a fantastic rail-trail half marathon. The race was perfect! Very smooth. But the so-called timekeepers said I finished in 1:45. Almost my slowest ever. So dis-honest! I've never seen more dis-honest numbers. And they published them on a website! These illegal leaks have got to stop.

Garmin reported about the same number. FAKE NEWS! VERY fake news! They import their data from satellites outside the country. We cannot trust foreign data. America First! Garmin is the enemy of the people. The level of dis-honesty is out of control. I mean, the numbers are real but the news is fake. And the tone! So much hatred and anger. I’m really not a bad person, by the way.

The public reads newspapers, they see television, they watch. They don't know if it's true or false because they're not involved. I'm involved. I’m running. So I know the truth. I had the greatest margin of victory since Dick Beardsley won the 1982 Boston Marathon. I was given that information. It’s true. A very substantial victory. Ask anyone.

But the runner fraud was terrible. Hundreds of illegal runners allowed to compete. Some of them dead. Without them, I would have won an award, so I told the race director: SEE YOU IN COURT! It’s a scandal. But you won’t read about that in the failing New York Times. Sad.

To be honest, people say it was the best half marathon they can remember seeing. Maybe the best EVER! The crowds were cheering for me, big league. I don’t know, looked like a million…maybe a million and half people. Best ratings ever. That’s what they say. Tremendous.

Now, I move on.  But I refuse to sign up for my next race until they get the price WAY down. Terrible contract. The race is going to be a great race and it's going to be a race negotiated by me. The price is going to come down. I’ll negotiate the best deal.

AND start extreme vetting of runners. Many of those are bad hombres who shouldn’t be let in. And runners from other countries have been taking advantage of us for decades -- decades, and decades, and decades, folks. And I’m not going to let that happen anymore. Not going to let it happen.

Also, I have a secret plan to win again but I don't have to tell you what I'm going to do. You know why? Because my enemies shouldn't know. So I'm not going to tell you. But I will say this: I’m going to MAKE RUNNING GREAT AGAIN! I'm going to win so much. You're going to get tired of winning. you’re going to say, "Please Tramps, I have a headache. Please, don't win so much. This is getting terrible." And I'm going to say, "No, we have to make running great again."

Now, THAT, is a race report!  Congratulations on your incredible victory!  I won't even bother looking at the results...you just can't trust any media outlets, today.

Hahahahaha.

The Russian hackers were at it again.

Brilliant Tramps.

That's my buddy Tramps - we go WAY back!

*chuckle*

Good job on your race!

Best.Race.Report.Ever!

yes, I noted the lack of fashion report also, but perhaps Tramps was wearing the Ivanka Trump race attire and he decided he better not mention that for fear of being counselled by the Sith Lord himself.

Classic Tramps!!  this needs to be saved, archived, something!  well done on probably the hugest win we'll ever see in our lifetimes. this was tremendous!

You sure made race reports great again!