Notes
Today is just a horrible day.
Thought maybe I'd go for a run to make it somewhat better. But no, bad idea, it only made it worse, and I hadn't even known that was possible.
I had to run in my old shoes and my old orthotics because all of my newer stuff is in my mom's car, and those shoes are so toast that it made it very painful to run, and then on top of that the roads are coated in slush, so I ad to try hard not to slip, and about 7 minues into it I was miserable and not only did my shin and my toe hurt, bt basically every joint imaginable in my lower body. So great. Just fan-freaking-tastic.
I just...I don't even know anymore. I just don't even know. I don't know if I'm even going to be able to run my marathon because I've been in so much pain lately and I haven't run for a week, and I'm just so discouraged by all of this and there's nothing I can do, and after today I am just so unbelieveably frustrated with my life right now that nothing is even worth it anymore. I just honestly do not even feel like being alive anymore. The stress, the exhaustion, the almost-daily emotional breakdowns now, none of this is worth it. It just sucks. I just want to lay down and sleep. Until June. Maybe forever, if that 's an option.
I have literally just had it. I've had enough. I don't want to do this anymore.