Notes
I felt fairly strong today, but I'm still really tired and really slow, and it sucks when you're partnering up, because you can't partner up with your friends because they are all faster than you, and you don't want to shortchange them on their break because they ran fast and you are slow. It sucks. But I just can't get my legs going. I don't know why. Like, my muscles start burning on the warmup, to the point where I'm tired before I even start the workout. Either I've slipped farther than I realized on the whole eating thing or that's not even the problem and there's something else the matter that's making me this slow. It's so demotivating, because I'm so critical of my times (this stupid log doesn't help either because it asks for a time for everything), because I will always compare them to what they SHOULD be, or what I USED to be able to do, and I will just never be satisfied, perhaps never again. I hope Slichter forgets about the makeup two-mile, because I know my time is going to be so bad that I just don't want to do it anymore, because I know it's going to suck and I'll criticize and be angry, and I'm really just dreading it now. This is just one huge mess. I just want something definitive on Monday; even if they tell me I can never run again, perhaps it would be better than hanging here in limbo like this missing who I used to be and whining about it constantly. Whatever.