Notes
Race at South River.
Actually, a piece of shit at South River.
I'm sick and tired of everything. I'm ready to give it all up. I don't want to do this to myself anymore.
I ran a 21:40 on this course less than a year ago, a week after pulling my hip doing 400s. 27:00 minutes today. 5 minutes and 20 seconds slower. It makes me sick. Like a month ago, I could still run a 13:30 two-mile. What the hell happened, I don't freaking know. But something's missing. I lost something somewhere. I hit a wall.
So I just walked away from the finish line crying, then got my stuff, walked to my car, and couldn't find my keys, so I figured maybe it was a way of telling me I needed to cool down before getting in a car so I wouldn't drive into a tree doing 80, so I ran to Coach Slichter's truck and looked for my keys, and he asked me if I'm okay, and I was like "Of course" and then I got my stupid sunglasses and ran off into the woods. Right into a huge mud puddle. And my shoes got soaked and caked with mud and it just made me hate cross country all the more. So I walked back to my car.
I hate running. I hate myself for hating running. I don't even know what all there is to hate, since running is an inanimate object. I just want to punch something, or strangle something, but running is not a person, and so I can't, so I hate myself. I'm just not the same person who ran a 21:40 in the mud and pouring rain with a pulled hip. I'm slower now than I was when I started running two years ago.
DSGLJ:LSDIFUOAIEUROIUERILKAJSFHKDJGHLD:KJ"ASLDKPWAOEI{QOWIRPOIDGLKJ:A"L:JKFALKSJD
It's all blown to hell. If 4 ibuprofen can't handle this, then I shouldn't be running. If this is how the season's going to go, I'm not going to. I feel like I moved my blog here the past week, I've been so emo and written so much. Besides, here, Matt Colestock can't tell me I'm a "delusional idiot" because I'm upset about my recent runs.
I just freaking give up.