Notes
Low low low low low low low low low low low.
Had probably the CRAPPIEST run in a while. Felt good for about 2 miles, and then my hip just started popping and I couldn't stop and stretch, so it just slowed me down and put me in soooo much pain. I even popped 4 ibuprofen about 7 AM, still didn't do the trick. So I just let Mary, Coach, TJ, and Meg go because I was slowing them down and I felt bad.
But no, Coach stops and runs with me, which mad me even more upset/angry at myself because now not only am I running like a load of crap, I'm getting the metaphorical pity clap, because I'm just so unbearably slow that measures need to be taken to make sure I even get back to the parking lot. 20 minutes of silence. Man, that does a lot for your self esteem.
I just don't know if this is worthwhile anymore. I'm beginning to hate this. Wait, no, I officially do. I think when you cry yourself home in the car for fifteen minutes, that counts for hating something. I'm getting slower and slower and slower, and it seems like I can't do anything about it. What's worse, I screwed myself up and I know it and it's all my fault and there's nothing I can do. No matter how much I run, my hip is never going to get better, thus I'm never going to be able to work as hard as I want and never improve.
So much for running 19:15 this season. 19:15 my ass. I don't even know who I thought I was. Who I even am anymore. Screw it.
Wow I had a lot to say. I don't think I've ever write in the notes section that much.