Notes
Got up at 12:30! I was really frustrated and grumpy all day yesterday because I was looking forward to a long run Sunday morning but woke up to lightning and rain that lasted several hours. Kelly was going to ride her bike along with me to keep company and provide water. The kids slept at my Mom's last night, so the plan seemed solid. Didn't check the forecast. What a shitty week that turned out to be with only 4 runs and only one being decent.
Got to work and started going. Stomach was feeling like it still had a lot more work to do on last nights dinner. I was having heart burn the whole run and felt nauseous at times. Headed east into Herrick and Danada. I knew I would need water with the heat and humidity. Stopped in Danada on the way out and back to drink. Stopped at Herrick lake too for water, then went on to Blackwell. Used the outhouse at Blackwell and unloaded some of the stomach issues (nasty). Started feeling it in Blackwell and decided to scale back the run a bit. Stopped at the Warrenville library for one last drink and a little stretch. Was really feeling exhausted by this point. Took the shortest route back to work from here.
Finished the run in bad shape. I was completely exhausted and dizzy. I noticed my hands, feet and face were pale with purple blotches. It took about 2 hours to feel normal again. This is going to be a rough day after so little sleep and this run.
I thought a lot about priorities and the way I've been approaching life lately during this run and after. I've been too exhausted at night and on weekends. I need to stop this running in the middle of the night BS. I've put too much significance into running and it's hurting the rest of my life. I get too worked up over a bad run or missing a day or a bad week. What does it really mater? I need to change my approach and relax. This should be a fun part of my life. Instead, it's controlling too much of it. Maybe I'll never return to a level I was at a couple years ago. I've sulked long enough about the Indy marathon. There hasn't been a day since that race that I haven't thought about it. It's not healthy and it's torn me down more than it's been a motivation to try again. No more. I'm done beating myself up and being so bi-polar with running. I used to be so consistent, maybe to a fault at times. Now I'm all over the place and not having enough fun. I still feel I can run a better marathon than my current time, but I'm okay if that doesn't happen. What I'm doing is crazy and needs to stop. The first thing I need to do is find a healthy balance that is enjoyable and reasonable. Once that's working, then I can come up with reasonable goals. If that includes a marathon some day, great. But if not, that's fine. It really doesn't matter.