Notes
Nationals 5k. Honestly, this left a pretty sour taste in my mouth. Got out a little hot with the other girls who got placed high up on the bank, then put the brakes on to put myself in a good position. Ran with a pack of girls almost the whole entire time up until the end when I once again died. The race felt really aggressive and I never felt like I truly settled into a rhythm, the pace would slow and quicken every time we went around the bends. I had no idea what place I was in and thought I was running so much faster than I actually was. So finishing 9th place and running 20 seconds slower than I had planned on running was a little underwhelming to say the least. I am usually pretty good at analyzing my races and picking apart what I could've done better or what I failed to do prior to or during the race, but this time, I really am so confused. I slept okay in the hotels, ate good food, took all my vitamins and supplements, drank a lot of water, took care of my shin/rest of my body. I was nervous, but not any more than I usually am- I was more excited than nervous. I didn't doubt myself, I followed the moves that were made, I felt like I even pushed myself harder than I did at outdoor nationals. I just don't know where I went wrong this time and I think that's what bothers me the most. Maybe everyone else was just better? Maybe I just set the bar too high? I'm a walking contradiction considering I felt like I truly gave 110% effort in that race while also believing that I was ready to run a 16:45. Obviously my god awful finish hindered me from that 8th place spot, but that still would've only made my time a few seconds faster, not 20-30. I know I have a lot to be grateful for and I have more chances/opportunities, I get all that, but it doesn't make it an easier pill to swallow. I just think it'll take me a long time to let this one go since I am so lost on what even happened. I just can't stop thinking about it. Thinking about what I could've done differently, or how my finish sucks, or what I overheard other people saying about it, and especially about what Chapman said to me.
Anyway, I know I can't think about it forever, but also thinking about it and remembering the feelings I felt will just motivate me to do better outdoors. I run better with a chip on my shoulder and when I'm out for redemption anyway. Maybe I needed a humbling race like this to remember that you can never rest on your laurels and you always have to keep proving yourself. Always. Next indoor will be different. And mark my words, I will have a finish to remember next time.