Wedding weight loss vs running? (Read 1710 times)

Julia1971


    I have to say that the original post set off my troll detection system.

     

    But, assuming it is sincere.... 'what Julia said'.

     

    And the fishy part about asthma too.

     

    I had my doubts.  The 'I'm sooooo huge" tone bugged.  But the part about weight looking different on different people resonated with me because I know that's true.  So, I tried giving what I thought was a legit suggestion all the while knowing there was no way she was gonna lift a weight or find another doctor.  But, I try not to be a complete taker when it comes to advice in these forums..  I try to give advice every once in a while as a way of "giving back" to the community so to speak.  But, the mom/wedding thing...  (Shakes head.  Gulps wine).  I'm not a saint.

     

    On a lighter note, I'm the spinster child with 4 older sisters and a younger brother.  The only wedding my mom really went momzilla for was my brother's.  The girls - replaceable and interchangeable.  But, losing her baby boy really triggered the crazy.

    The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. – Chinese Proverb


    I look my best blurry!

      Oh goodness!

       

      True story:  I went to a wedding where the bride had dieted to fit in to a very small dress.  She had one drink, cut the cake and passed out.  We all then spent an awkward few hours attending a wedding reception with no bride and groom. 

       

      MTA:  I should add that this was a $70,000 wedding over 12 years ago.  And probably unrelated but they are getting a divorce.

        True story:  I went to a wedding where the bride had dieted to fit in to a very small dress.  She had one drink, cut the cake and passed out...

         

         

        Apparently this was quite common in Victorian times, when the fashion was for young ladies to wear incredibly tight corsets and dresses to make their waists appear thin.

        LadyAudley


          I was thinking about this last night, and I think one important thing is that I don't see my body shape as 'me'.  I see 'me' as the person inside my body - which is an external shell that presents that inner 'me' to the world.

           

          Partly, this is because of my Mum.  She had me modelling about as soon as I could walk.  Throughout the first 20 years of my life, my body shape was a way to make some cash and help my family along (my Dad was real sick when I was a kid and we were on the breadline).  I got used to my body being 'made to order'. Someone would say 'for this shoot, you need to be 10lbs lighter, and have a really tight butt'.  I'd diet gently, up my level of sports (I've always loved being outdoors), and do tons and tons of squats and bingo, I'd get that body.  Then someone else would say 'these guys want a curvier more glam look' and I'd gain a few pounds and do a lot of exercises to nip my waist in, get my nails done and then I'd look that way.  I never thought of any particular look as 'me' - 'me' was the person inside controlling my bodyshape according to demand so I could work.

           

          Now before you all rush to tell me how unhealthy this is - it's really not that different to toning up particular areas of your body for sport.  When I stopped working in the fashion industry it was great, not because I reverted to some natural 'me' but because I had a wider range of bodyshapes to choose from.  But that didn't make it any more 'natural', because my body adapted to whatever activity I was doing.  When I swam a lot, my shoulders got bigger and more powerful and my hips got wider.  When I ran a lot, I became leaner, less curvy, and more wiry.  When I was a gym bunny, I got really toned and developed more noticeable biceps (but my cardiovascular abilities suffered).  If I ate more than I burnt, I gained weight, and I had the luxury of doing this some times of year, like Christmas, for the first time.  If I ate less than I burnt, I lost it again.  Sure, there are limits to this - I can't grow or shrink a foot in height!  But it's surprising how much you can change your body (and how quickly) through changing your exercise and diet.

           

          At no point did any one bodyshape seem 'me', because 'me' is the person inside.  My body's changes just reflected whatever lifestyle choices  the inner person made, and whatever I wanted to do!  The only time I've felt out of control of my bodyshape was over the last year, when I was depressed because I was ill after an op and couldn't exercise and became really undisciplined about food (starting to crave junk, salt, and sugar, whereas normally I crave salad!).   Now I am physically much better, I want to get back into my running and build my strength and stamina.   Big grin  

           

          My Mum is a different case.  She is a kind of pageant mum - a real girlie girl, and she would like me to be a graceful princess all the time (I am anything but graceful, by the way, I can't be in a room without knocking something over).  She cannot understand my inner tomboy. When I took up fellrunning, she was horrified -  'Whay oh whay of whay do you have to run up hills - you look so pink and sweaty and ungroomed!  Oh my GOOOOOD look at your hair!  And your nails are a deeeeesgrace, young lady!  You'll grow muscles like a maaaaan if you keep this up!'  This attitude does not stop me from doing things I love.  It doesn't even make me pause.  And most of the time I find it amusing and kind of cute that she takes this old-fashioned attitude ('Awwww, muuuuuum').  

           

          However, I know the wedding is real special to her.  If it was up to me - I'd sneak off to a registry office, grab a couple of witnesses off the street and get married quietly.  However, this would break her heart.  For her, this is the ultimate pageant.  And I want her to have a brilliant, wonderful day because she's had a hard time lately, and given my history of making my bodyshape 'to order' it really doesn't seem like that big a deal to lose weight so I can wear the dress she picked out (and got me out of bed at 11.30 at night to scream about down the phone Shy).   It's not that I'm 'doing it for her' - it's that I'm the kind of person who is most happy when the people around her are happy, so in a way, I am doing it for me!  I really just started this thread coz I wanted to know whether I could do this through marathon training, or whether I should start my training after losing the weight.  

           

          As for my partner - he just wants me to be happy!  I think he'd like me to shed a bit of weight - 10-15lbs or so - for health and aesthetic reasons, because I'm big right now for my build and I think we both worry about the health implications of that esp as my asthma is so much worse.  But more than anything he'd like me to be able to run strongly again, because he's a really good runner (1.20 half marathon) and we used to enjoy going out together for long runs in the hills at the weekend.  He's very patient with me while I'm building up my stamina though!  

            Bless your heart because you have gotten diverse and strong opinions.  First, congratulations on your marriage but even more, I congratulate you on knowing the difference between a wedding and a marriage.

             

            In some ways, we are twins.  I’m 5’4”, tiny frame, and married in my early thirties.   I can truly understand your desire to lose some weight gained during sickness.  But I’m like many of the others and want to caution you (1) only lose for yourself (2) don’t focus on a number but instead focus on your health.

             

            I was around 105 when I married and while I was skinny (due to genes), I definitely wasn’t in great shape.  Over the years, I put on a few pounds a year and got more out of shape.  At 128 pounds, I decided to change and begin gym workouts and really cutting the calories.  I lost the extra weight but I found that I had a new ideal weight because I had more muscle mass.  Several years later, I started running.   After I began marathon training, I realized my focus had to change from a scale to instead getting the fuel – the right amount of fuel as well as the right kind of fuel.    

             

            But I say to be careful with two goals that could possibly be counterproductive to each other.  The two goals aren’t necessarily against each other but you have to decide which is more important and be willing to shelve the other goal if it compromises the major goal. 

             

            Now I’m going to interject one additional thing.  The day after I turned 40, I realized “Damn the torpedos, full steam ahead.”  That is to say I no longer let other people’s opinions or goals-for-me control my actions.  That included my mother who I love dearly.  If she wants me to lose weight, change my hair, stop running, or any other thing, I will listen to her opinions, treat her with respect, but I make my own choices.   After all, my mother has her own hang-ups, etc. and isn’t always right.  IMO, your mother hasn’t got a healthy body image in mind.  She wants the best for you but that does not mean that she is doing the best for you by interjecting her prejudices on you.   By the same token, some of the people on the boards are interjecting their own predujices and hangups.  Know your body, find your sense of self, and find the right direction for you.  

               

              At no point did any one bodyshape seem 'me', because 'me' is the person inside.  My body's changes just reflected whatever lifestyle choices  the inner person made, and whatever I wanted to do!  The only time I've felt out of control of my bodyshape was over the last year, when I was depressed because I was ill after an op and couldn't exercise and became really undisciplined about food (starting to crave junk, salt, and sugar, whereas normally I crave salad!).   Now I am physically much better, I want to get back into my running and build my strength and stamina.   Big grin  

               

               

               

              You are a class act! Do what feels right but I think you have it all figured out. You have a great sense of inner peace. Be active, eat and be healthy and you will have the body you want and your Mum wants Smile   It will all come together. Good luck with your wedding and marathon.

              Those who try, fail! Those who do what it takes to succeed, succeed!!

                I'm with SRL on this one and am glad I checked out at about the same time he made his last post.

                   Lady Audley,

                   

                  Thanks for a rather fascinating post, from a perspective that is pretty foreign to a lot of us (as you may have discerned from the responses).

                   

                  I was thinking about this last night, and I think one important thing is that I don't see my body shape as 'me'.  I see 'me' as the person inside my body - which is an external shell that presents that inner 'me' to the world.

                   

                  I found this statement especially interesting, as it brought to mind something my daughter mentioned she learned in her recent psych class at Cornell.  A study found that most people place their sense of "self" in an area behind their eyes.  For athletes, on the other hand, the sense of self encompasses their whole body.  For what it's worth.

                   

                  Something a wise gentleman said to me many years ago, when I was too young to understand fully:  If you lose your health, you lose everything.  That's what drives me now to place my health as priority number one.  Selfish?  I think not, because others depend on me to be healthy too.

                   

                  Best wishes for your wedding, your marriage, your mum, and your continued happiness!

                   

                  Stay healthy! Smile

                  Well at least someone here is making relevance to the subject.