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girl alone now (Read 527 times)

girlylovestorun


    Hi Y'all,

    I have been following the other thread about including your spouse into your running. I can relate to that. I also am a  runner. I started jogging years after being married and having kids to lose weight, but I liked it and continued.   I joined a running group and assisted with a lot of planning for the group. I was away from my husband and kids a lot so I could practice, go to and help at running activities and run in races.  I didn't realize it at the time, but it was too much for my husband, who is not a runner. He told me he loved me, missed me and that he wanted me around more.  He told me he felt left out, but  I wanted to run and I kept running the same amount. I would invite him to events, but it was not the same as being together as a couple or family. He ended up meeting someone else who gave the attention he wanted from me and he left me. He got the kids to live with him too. So I am all alone now. My husband wanted to be with me and now I lost him.  I am miserable. So I have some advice to share. Don't be obsessive about running. It is a sport/hobby. It should not be your whole life. I should have kept my husband and family as priority and I didn't. Family must come first. I feel that  running ruined the good life I had. I am very unhappy. Recently I spent some holidays alone. It was awful. I wish I could go back in time to fix things. Think about what you are doing. Spouses or partners can only take so much.  Don't be stupid and lose your spouse and family like I did. 

      I'm sorry. Sad

      DDXD


      Slower than I look

        I am very sorry to hear what you are going through.  And thank you for providing some good perspective on running as a priority.  I just had two shit runs in a row and was letting it get me down all weekend when in truth it doesn't really matter.  I think alot of runners tend to have obsessive traits.  To some degree, you almost have to be a little obsessive if you ever want to get past the hobby jogger phase.  Though the line between determination and obsession can be a thin one.

         

        When I was younger I burned bridges with my family, lost and terribly hurt a girfriend I cared for deeply, and just about wasted a few years of my life playing an MMO called Everquest.  It's so insane when you look back and wonder how something could have mattered to you so deeply to cost so much.  I still remember waiting outside my local bar on Christmas day for it to open so I wouldn't be completely alone.  The only nice thing about hitting rock bottom is that there isn't anywhere to go but up.  You can't change the past, but you can choose to deliberately move forward and make the best of the rest of your life.  Best luck in your future.

        bojangles


          That is definitely a huge bummer, but I am not sure if you could put the blame on running or your love for it. To me it just seems like you were both selfish people and really not in it to win it (marriage wise).

          Gator eye


            That is definitely a huge bummer, but I am not sure if you could put the blame on running or your love for it. To me it just seems like you were both selfish people and really not in it to win it (marriage wise).

             

            Wow all that from reading one paragraph,  ever thought about doing online therapy?

            5/10/14 Armada Marathon

            6/7/14 Yankee Springs Trail Run double marathon

            8/16/14 Marquette Trail 50m

            9/5/14 Woodstock Hallucination 100m


            delicate flower

              Story doesn't add up.

               

              But good luck.

              roboknee.

                I don't normally jump in and reply on the forums, but this is one that has personal meaning too. Like you, my prior wife left because I was a workaholic. I work all day, and then I work at a martial arts school in the evenings. My weekends are often packed with college homework, yardwork, and helping keep the house clean, and of course, running. It is not at all uncommon for my wife to complain that I am not around much. I have learned how important it is to listen to these comments with full attention.

                 

                I have since began looking for "creative" ways to involve my family. My wife doesn't like to run, but I have found that if I plan my run to cross back to a given location, I can often end in the same time / place, as her, while she is walking the dogs. That gives us a good reason to spend time, walking back together. Another opportunity is after running events. We often go as a family, which in turn leads to lunch, and family time while visiting state parks, beaches, museums, shopping, or anything else we decide to do. As an added bonus, both of my girls enjoy running and often run with me on my easy days, (which gives her peace and quiet). Regardless of all else. I strive to ensure that my wife and daughters all know that they are priorties. They also know to expect me to put in a couple miles along the way. Big grin

                bojangles


                   

                  Wow all that from reading one paragraph,  ever thought about doing online therapy?

                   

                  I did. Briefly. Then realized I wouldn't need an office. And I need a reason to need an office.

                    Sorry it turned out this way but I'm with the Baboon on this. I think running is a red herring here.

                     

                    You are not describing a binary situation where if only you didn't run things would be sunny and happy. Also, I'm guessing events and running related socialization took more time per week (prime time at that!) than plain simple running which can be scheduled during times that wouldn't conflict with family time.

                     

                    mta: spellin'


                    Revenge of the Nerd

                      Running is my mistress.

                      One of these days is none of these days.

                      ~ H.G. Bohn


                      day after day sameness

                        Have you met Redbird?  Once done with community service, seems like he's available...

                        I've done my best to live the right way; I get up every morning and go to work each day...

                          Have you met Redbird?  Once done with community service, seems like he's available...

                           

                          Again RA had done the improbable. In this case we solved a running problem within one page. From here on everything is witty banter.

                            Have you met Redbird?  Once done with community service, seems like he's available...

                             

                            +1

                             

                            Although, I do smell a troll here, as it is unusual for a parent to be denied 50% physical custody of kids, unless the parent is a criminal or moves out of the country.

                            2013 H1:  7 hours/week base.  Q3: Train for goal race.  Q4:  Goal Race.

                               

                              +1

                               

                              Although, I do smell a troll here, as it is unusual for a parent to be denied 50% physical custody of kids, unless the parent is a criminal or moves out of the country.

                               

                              ... or they're older than 18, and in that case, that's ok.

                              2014 Goals:

                              #1: Do what I can do. <DOING>

                              #2: 365 Hours training

                               

                              cincyjacket


                                That sucks. From my experience, single female runners are in high demand. I'm positive you can meet someone fairly easily from your running group. Since you both will have a shared love of running, that should strengthen your relationship (provided you are not overly competitive with each other).

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