Executive Summary: An old, fat man chases some math, and stops at a port-a-potty or three along the way.

Introduction

Hello, my name is Rick and I suffer from AoA or Adult Onset Athleticism. In October of 2011, at the ripe old age of 42, I crossed the finish line of my first 5k. I weighed 320 lb. and time was 39:05. As happy as I was with that result, I told myself that next time I run a race, I will run it faster.

Finishing my first 5k

After my first 5k, I continued to run and count calories. My weekly mileage increased, my easy running pace, weight, and race times decreased. I ran longer training run, and raced longer distances up and including a half marathon.

In January of 2014, after spending four months diligently training with Pfitz’s 18/55 plan, I crossed the finish line of the Walt Disney World Marathon with a time of 5:29. Since the 2014 WDW marathon was my first marathon, I saw that time as a baseline. Just like all my other races, I’d run my next marathon faster.

Some very smart people have found a mathematical formula to predict a marathon finish time: Double a half marathon time and add 20 minutes. This formula put my predicted marathon finishing time at a little under five hours.

In October of 2014, I toed the line at the Marine Corps Marathon (MCM) expecting a finish at a little less than five hours.  After going splat into the wall big time at mile 21, I finished the MCM in 5:37. The MCM was painful both physically and psychologically. If you wish/dare, you may read the MCM race report/autopsy here.

While contemplating my miserable performance at the MCM, I ran across another mathematical formula. When training for a race, one’s weekly mileage should be roughly three times the race distance. Folks looking to preform well at the marathon distance (as opposed to merely dragging their sorry, shagged out tail across the finish line) should be running 75-80 training miles a week. With a weekly training regimen of 35 to 40 miles a week, I concluded that I crashed and burned at the MCM because I was massively undertrained.

I’m something of a perfectionist. If I’m going to take the time to do something, I’m going to do it right. I don’t have time to run 80 miles a week. I have other responsibilities. I’m a father to a 12 year-old daughter. I’m a husband. I’m a partner in a law firm. My body still requires sleep.

Since I perceived that I could not train for it adequately, I walked away from the marathon. After the MCM, I told myself that 2015 was going to be the year of the half. No more marathons because they really hurt, and it was becoming apparent that I wasn’t any good at them. After the MCM, I dedicated myself to losing the rest of the weight, running 40-42 miles a week and racing the half marathon distance.

The only problem with my plan is the 2015 Walt Disney World Marathon. I’d signed up for it in April of 2014 and before the MCM. I’d booked and paid for the flights and room. I don’t really want to run the WDW Marathon, but since it’s paid for, I might as well do it.

Race Day

On January 11, 2015 at 3:00 am, my wife and I boarded the runDisney bus with my traditional race breakfast in hand: a bottle of Gatorade and a strawberry Pop-Tart.   After posing with the Pacebook Running Club, my wife and I part company. She went off to the climate controlled and catered race retreat tent. I headed out for ‘the first mile’ or the 20-minute walk to the corrals from EPCOT’s parking lot. Upon arrival, I noticed that both runDisney and the Clif Shot people had done the same math I did. RunDisney requires a prior race result for seeding purposes. I gave them my 2:16 half marathon PR. When I got to the corral I was greeted by Starr, the Clif Shot 4:45 pacer.

Facebook Running Club

While listening to the national anthem, I realized that I had to go to the bathroom. The lines for the port-a-potties were crazy long. I didn’t want to run into the bushes, because, well, ewwww. I figured I could hold it until I got to the theme parks. The bathrooms in the Magic Kingdom are unlocked and are nowhere as popular as the port-a-potties.

The First Five Miles

After hearing Rudy Novotny’s now famous “Runners! Set! GO!” I take off running up World Drive to the Magic Kingdom. I find that I’m holding pace with Starr, the 4:45 pacer. I tell myself to ignore her. The Clif Pacer was part of my undoing at the MCM. I’m running my own race here. I’m striving for my own results, not Starr’s.

In these early miles, I adopt a Gallowayesque technique of walking through the water stops, drinking the piss yellow Powerade, and water, throwing the cups in (or in the general vicinity of) of a trashcan, and then running again.

Mile 1 – 10:48

Mile 2 – 10:58

Mile 3 – 11:14

Mile 4 – 11:17

Mile 5 – 11:20

Five Mile Split per rD – 56:16 – 11:16 mm pace

Disclaimer: My wife gave me a new Garmin watch for Christmas. It has an auto-pause feature. The watch pauses itself when I’m not moving. While useful in training, this feature should be disabled on race day. I did not disable it, and so my split times are less than accurate. The rD split times are included because they are spot on accurate.

Mile 6-10

As I ran through the Magic Kingdom, I realized the folly of my plan to use the toilets in the theme park. I grew up in Southern California. I’ve been to Disneyland hundreds of times. I know where all the toilets are in Disneyland. The Magic Kingdom is Disneyland’s younger sister. Like siblings, Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom are similar but not identical. While running through the park, I’m overtaken by a mild panic when I realize that none of toilets are where they belong. I found an unoccupied port-a-potty around mile 6, used it, and headed back out onto the course.

From here I headed down past Disney’s hotels. At mile six, I slowed to a walk and ingested a Clif Shot. Clif Shots are something relatively new to me, and I have not quite figured out how to get that slime out of the packet and into my mouth without gagging. The course then heads for a lap around the NASCAR oval at Walt Disney World.

Mile 6 – 11:00

Mile 7 – 11:14

Mile 8 – 10:38

Mile 9 – 10:59

Mile 10 – 10:37

Ten Mile Split per rD – 1:52:38 – 11:16 mm pace

Miles 11 to 15

The course now heads down a back stage road past the wastewater treatment plant, the compost pile and the Animal Kingdom Park. Between the animal waste, and the raw sewage, it really stinks back here. While these miles are pretty lonely, I feel pretty good. The sun is starting to rise, but I’m still in the shade of the thick vegetation. Since I ran this race last year, I also know that the suckiest miles (Osceola Parkway) are yet to come.

At mile 12, I gag myself with another goo packet. At the mile 13 water stop, I meet Kathleen Huge, a runner friend working as a volunteer. In Animal Kingdom, I dive into the ‘Gents’ in Asia-land. Why? Because I gotta go… again. Maybe I’m drinking too much at the water stops. I pass the Expedition Everest Roller Coaster at 8:30 am. I ask the cast member if they’re open. She says they open at 9:00 am. I tell her I’ll be back.

Heading out of Animal Kingdom, I see Stacey Conticello, a PbRC friend in the crowd of spectators. If she wasn’t injured, Stacey would be out here running this. Stacey is cheering on her husband Tony and the rest of the PbRC. I wave as I pass by.

Mile 11 – 10:51

Mile 12 – 11:04

Mile 13 – 11:16

Mile 14 – 10:42

Mile 15 – 10:42

Half Split per rD – 2:27:56 – 11:18 mm pace

Miles 16 to 20

Mile 16 starts on Osceola Parkway (a six lane divided highway) at the base of Mt. McDonald’s, a highway overpass with a McDonald’s at the bottom of the off ramp. I grabbed a couple of Swedish Fish from the PbRC cheer squad and kept on running. The sun is now fully up, but unlike last year, it is obscured by an overcast sky.

At mile 17, I start to get cramping in my lower intestines. I’ve never had GI issues while racing. Is it gas or is it something else? Better stop to find out. I pull into a port-a-potty in the ESPN Sports Area shortly after mile 18.

Port-a-potties are kinda like airline toilets: really tough for tall people to both sit down on the throne and close the door. Complicating my efforts is the fact that the port-a-potty I had was not placed on level ground. The ground was sloping towards the door. I lost at least minute to the port-a-potty. I’m glad I stopped. It wasn’t gas. Shortly after using the port-a-potty, I slide another 100 calories of Clif’s vanilla nastiness down my throat. The course then weaves a serpentine path through the ESPN Sports Zone.

Mile 16 – 10:56

Mile 17 – 10:51

Mile 18 – 10:53

Mile 19 – 11:17

Mile 20 – 11:00

Twenty mile Split per rD – 3:45:27 – 11:17 mm pace

Mile 21 to the Finish

Mile 21 starts by leaving the ESPN sports zone back out on Osceola Parkway and make a right turn towards Disney’s Hollywood Studios theme park. The Toy Story Green Army Man is waiting at the top of the fly-over will a bullhorn to ‘encourage’ runners up the hill. Like last year, I stopped, dropped and pounded down ten push-ups.

Around Mile 22 it starts to rain. It’s a light misting, and not a heavy downpour. The rain feels good, but the GI cramping persists. It feels like a sour stomach: like I’d had curry or chili for dinner the night before, except of course, I didn’t. Was the Pop-Tart really such a good idea?

Also on this patch of highway, my head begins to get all swimmy. A burst of emotion drops on my consciousness. I realize just how big of an ass I’d been lately to my wife. This marathon did not fit in my new non-marathon running paradigm. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to run this. It’s going to hurt both physically and emotionally. I suck at the full marathon. I don’t run them to my full potential and can’t. Yet here I am. That’s frustrating, and sadly, because she spends so much time around me, my dear wife had been the brunt of this frustration.

Mile 23 passes through the Hollywood Studios theme park. While running backstage, I was impressed to see signs in the windows of the offices cheering on the cast members from that department or shop that were running the race. I’ve never seen that at Disneyland. On my way out of Hollywood Studios, I dive into the bathroom because … well you know…. Leaving Hollywood Studios, I see Stacey in the crowd. Wow, for an injured runner, that girl gets around.

Up to this point, I’d ignored my time and pacing. I was just running. I didn’t care about this race. Because of all the auto-paused toilet stops, my Garmin is hopelessly inaccurate. Also, I can’t read my Garmin without my glasses, and those are in my gear check bag. Passing the mile 24 mark, I notice the time: 5:10. After doing a bit of quick math, I estimated a half an hour differential between gun time and my chip time. I was at about 4:40. If I can cover the next 2.2 miles in 20 minutes I could beat the five-hour mark. My internal monologue now turned somewhat profane: Move your (expletive deleted), How badly do you want this? Beat 5 hours! Blocking out all the pain, I pick up the pace.

The racecourse heads up the Boardwalk to EPCOT and to the finish line in EPCOT’s parking lot. While running around the world pavilions in the final mile of the race, I notice that Marathonfoto has placed photographers in every other pavilion. Now along with suppressing the pain, I plaster a cheesy grin on my face for the camera.

Passing the mile 26 marker, I notice a runner head off into the bushes vomiting. I motion to one of the medical volunteers who scampers to her aid.

I cross the line with 5:25:10 on the clock. Click here to watch me cross the finish line.  I find my wife who gives me a cold can of Coke that she has smuggled out of the Race Retreat tent. As we board the bus back to the hotel, one of my fellow runners asks me, “Hey, are you the guy I saw doing push-ups?”

I used to drink five to six cans of Coke a day.  Now I drink one a year.

Mile 21 – 10:51

Mile 22 – 10:38

Mile 23 – 11:24

Mile 24 – 12:00

Mile 25 – 11:29

Mile 26 –10:55

The last little bit – 5:07

Finish Chip Time per rD – 4:55:36 – 11:17 mm pace and new PR.

For a race I didn’t want to do, I am over the moon with my results. I lopped 34 minutes off my marathon PR, and it appears that I ran this near the mathematical predicted time.

Although I am going to stick with my plan of running 40 to 42 miles a week, dropping the rest of the weight, and race half marathons, I’m not going to take running a marathon off the table. I’m not sure if I’m going to do this again next year, but if I do, I know my approach. I’m just not going to care about my time. I’ve got some time to think about this. Registration for the 2016 Walt Disney World Marathon opens on April 28, 2015.

Rick

Very nice!!  Huge PR!

Awesome job and congrats on the PR!!

Thank you.

Congrats on the massive PR and for executing such a great, well-paced race, despite an unhappy stomach.  Really impressed with how you hung in there at the end.

Lots of congratulations.  For the PR time, the ten push-ups, mentally hanging tough with GI issues, and for focusing on your race and not some pacer's race!

A 34 minute PR?! I wish I could do that. Great job, Lurch! The only thing your RR is missing is one of your classic marathon pictures.

WOW!

I'm still impressed every time I read your story. That was a fantastic race.