Notes
This is probably the worst run I've had in a long time. I was trying to run so hard, because I really want to run under 13:00 on wednesday, but it was so windy. And then I got about 3.5 miles out and just had to stop and completely hurl. And then I felt weak and like I was going to pass out, so I started running home very slowly, and then I just started walking, and didn't think I could walk about the 2.5 miles home that I had left, so thank god Katie Phipps lives like right off my route and was home. So I tried to call my dad to come pick me up, but the line was busy, so her mom just took me home, thankfully. I'm so pissed off that I had to stop, and even more pissed off that I had to ask someone for help, and I really just hate myself right now, but I really felt like I just was going to pass out, and didn't know how I was going to walk 2.5 miles home.
I'm just so frustrated, and I don't even know what to do anymore. I just keep running into walls, and there is no one who understands any of this, because all anyone is ever going to tell me is to take a break, but I can't afford to take a break, because I really want to run like under 12:30 in the two mile and under 5:40 in the mile, and every time I think "Maybe I should take off today," I just think of all the hard work that everyone else is putting in and I feel guilty because I feel that every run I don't go on or every easy day I take, the farther and farther I get behind, and I'm just so frustrated because I know I need to give my body a chance to catch up on everything, but I can't afford to, and ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just don't even know anymore and I tired of crying about this.