Sudden Death / Running / OT Long Post (Read 283 times)

I do not mean to bring any dark off topic subjects here and have only posted once before regarding training. After taking the advice I received about training for 5K's I decided that increased mileage would be the best way to train, and on Saturday morning February 3rd I ran 5 easy miles for the first time and felt great. I had targeted a late March St Patrick's 5K as my first race of 2018 and felt I was on the right track. My wife was having our taxes done that same morning and I noticed I missed her call at 12:39 PM called her back at 12:47pm (no answer) and took a shower. Received a call from the hospital that she had entered into the ER and was very sick, I needed to come down. I drove there thinking she had the flu. The Dr. met me in a closed waiting room asked how she was that morning (seemed fine), why was she at Urgent Care?(I had no idea / located in same strip mall as tax office) and that her heart stopped there, and the Urgent Care, Paramedics nor the hospital could get her back. On February 3rd 2018 my beautiful wife Beth died suddenly from cardiac arrest.

My life as I knew it was over in a flash and since that time I have had not one single moment of peace or happiness. For two weeks I could do nothing, lost 16 pounds and finally decided I have to control something and went to the gym and ran 1.5 miles outside and felt like absolute crap. Took another try at a 2 mile run the next week and again felt nothing but pain and emptiness. A week later finally decided I had to get out and ran the same 5 mile loop that I ran the day that she had died (it actually goes by the Urgent Care) and for the first time, by finishing that run, felt like a small weight had been lifted, the exhaustion and pain from that run took a slight edge off my grieving. Finally in March my weekly mileage went from an average of 4 to 8 and in April I ran 78 miles averaging about 19 miles a week.

I have felt so alone and lost but the running was the one thing that has really has helped me cope with this and I was seriously considering quitting as it reminded me too much of my wife. I was always excited to share with her my running times and improvements from when I started this back in November. For my birthday she got me a Runners World magazine and KT tape (I was dealing with shin splints) & those are two things I will always keep and cherish as a reminder of how thoughtful she always was. No was more excited to have gone to the first race I competed in and she was looking forward to cheering me on this year as well. The thought now going to those races alone is not something I can bear to do right now but I am hoping to find the strength in the future. 

What I was hoping to find was anyone here who has gone through something like this, something so traumatic & sudden, or could reach out to me to let me know how they got through this, or things they did to help or recover. I hope to one day again be able to race in her memory and move forward in life as she would have wanted.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/metrowestdailynews/obituary.aspx?pid=188087113

Beth E Widisky 9/9/64 - 2/3/18

Jay Thomas

Sorry for your loss.

I have not had anything as traumatic happen, but every time I've had some deep emotional distress such as a death of family or friend, or pet, or even break-ups, running has been my panacea. I find it to be a form of mediation.

I'll admit that when I see the scene from Forrest Gump, I still get close to crying. Too close to home.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=16&v=QgnJ8GpsBG8

Jay, I'm so, so sorry.  I can relate a little - I lost my 20-year-old nephew to suicide a couple of years ago.  No warning signs, even in hindsight, and he didn't leave any notes or clues.  It has ripped my entire family apart.  I pretty much fell apart for over a year.  Anti-anxiety meds helped.  This year, I've finally gotten in a place where I can run again, and it's helping a lot.  I started a running streak on January 1, and that's been great.   I'm very slow and don't run that far, but it is making me feel whole again.  Going to the gym three times a week has also been therapeutic.  I'm feeling strong!

I've been meaning to get a calcium scoring test - it tells you if you have any blockages in your coronary arteries.  My husband had it done and he has no blockages.  He keeps bugging me to get the test.  Your post has convinced me I should schedule one right away. I don't have any family history of heart disease, but that's the point - a lot of people who have heart attacks don't!

Hang in there.  I think it's a wonderful idea to run a race in Beth's memory.

I don't have much to contribute here, but did want to express my sympathies for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss.  I don't have direct experience to offer but I am watching a friend go through this same thing...40-something wife died suddenly on her birthday from an aneurysm, no warning signs.  He is having a hard time with it....and that's normal.  Like you he is just trying to keep moving forward each day.

I've always found running therapeutic.  My running has fallen apart in recent years and I think I'd be better off if I put it back together.  I wish you the best in finding your path.

You and your family have my deepest sympathies.  I can't help as I have not experienced such a tragic, sudden loss.  I wish I could give you a real life hug.

I have nothing special to add other than my sympathies as I can't imagine what you're going through.  When things in my life have gone even slightly sideways, running has always been really therapeutic for me.  I'm glad you didn't give it up and hope that it can help you find some simple joys again as time passes.

Something similar happened to me this past November. My dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack a few days before Thanksgiving (age 53). There were no symptoms, no signs, just- boom. My mom and him were married 32 years, he has 5 kids and 6 grandkids. I recall doing the same thing as you, trying to run and feeling like crap. Running and crying, running and screaming. It's only been 6 months and I am no where close to ok. I find that just getting out and running (even when it is the last thing I want to do) has helped. It's given me some kind of structure and something I can control. I've also taken up different hobbies/crafts as a result of insomnia from all of this. Maybe sign up for a race-- to give you something to work towards?