Happy birthday roachrunner!
I forgot to ask, what do you do with a whole pile of apples? A friend of my DW's is a suburban farmer, meaning she has lots and lots of produce and gives away lots and lots of produce. Well, we now have more apples than I know what do to with. I made apple bread (3 down a hundred thousand to go) and my DW and I ate a few. So all in I figure we are down maybe 6 apples from where we started. I am not anxious to turn them into pies, because I LOVE apple pies and would eat them! Any other ideas? While I am at it, there is also an oversized green zucchini, which is going to be mostly water. (Always harvest zucchini while they are under a foot or so long.) I need to seed the zucchini and then dry it out a bit to cook it. But what then?
Live like you are dying not like you are afraid to die.
Drunken Irish Soda Bread and Irish Brown Bread this way --> http://allrecipes.com/cook/4379041/
dried apple chips if you have a dehydrator.
or batches of applesauce
apple butter
Happy Birthday Doug!!
Tammy
Apples - Core 'em, mix with some sugar and cinnamon, and freeze 'em to use later if you don't want to deal with all of them now. At least that's what we do.
My friends, Todd and Renee Janssen, at Go Beyond Racing, put on their inaugural 200 mile trail race in the Oregon 200 - right now Oregon's only 200-mile trail race. Wes Plate, who's a well-known ultra runner who videos a lot of his races, ran it and recently posted his video. If you're interested, it's a good watch.
Happy Birthday, Roachrunner!!
Leslie Living and Running Behind the Redwood Curtain -------------
Trail Runner Nation
Sally McCrae-Choose Strong
Bare Performance
Marathon Maniac #957
What a special group we have here to rally around those that are having tough times, or have had tough times and share their experiences in hopes of helping others, or at least letting others know they are not alone.
Yes, and yes and yes!
Mike and Jlynne and all who have opened up about this - thank you so much!
I was lying awake last night thinking about all the comments for the last couple of days, and I suddenly had an Epiphone. I am in an abusive relationship. My DH is an abusive husband.
It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t hit me.
It doesn’t matter that the abuse is not all the time.
It doesn’t matter that he loves me.
It doesn’t matter that he’s a wonderful man most of the time in many other ways.
The thing is, he will need to hear this from someone who is not me. My drinking issues have complicated this, because he looks at any effort at removing his control as only because he says I “just want to have a drink.”
Since I have gone this far with it, I may as well share a couple more humiliating details. One of my job losses was due to drinking. Also, a couple of years ago I got a DUI. So, I have (voluntarily) been taking Disulfiram (Antabuse) for the better part of a year. This means that if I drank even one glass of wine, I would be violently ill for hours. (Yes, I tried it once.) DH made this a condition of staying married. Every morning DH comes to me with the pill and a cup of water and shines a flashlight in my mouth to make sure I swallowed it. He says this is so he can “go to work without worrying that I will drink.”
As humiliating as this is, I agreed to it because I wanted to stop drinking, and I looked at this as a tool I could use to help me. I don’t have to think about drinking because I know it is not an option. On the rare occasions when he “lets” me drink, like the weekend in Indiana 6 weeks ago, he stops giving me the pill a few days before, so it can clear my system. Come Monday morning, I go back on the pill.
This weekend we are going to Florida and I will be “allowed” to drink, so Monday was my last pill. This morning DH said, as he always does, “Now I’m going to worry all day at work.” I see now that this is just one more manipulation, meant to make me think, “Oh dear, now I am making him worry. I should behave better.” During our trip, he will remind me at least 6 times that I will be taking that pill on Tuesday.
I am realizing that DH has used my battle with alcohol to control me, in so many ways. We stopped seeing our friends because “those meetups are always drinking events.” If I “behave” he will “let” me have a beer on a special occasion. This is wrong on so many levels.
This can’t continue as it is going. I need to spend some time thinking about what I want to do, and maybe put some of my thoughts down in writing to help organize them. I do love him, and really don’t want a divorce, but I have to figure out if change is possible. I asked him this morning if he would agree to do marriage counselling and he said yes. Then he followed me around trying to get me to talk about why I think we need it, but I told him that I needed time to get my thoughts together. Of course his comeback was “This is just because you want to have a drink, isn’t it?”
Anyway, I have hijacked the daily enough with my drama. I thank you all for your thoughts and wisdom and sharing of your own pain and trials. Now, back to your regularly scheduled program!
Life is a headlong rush into the unknown. We can hunker down and hope nothing hits us or we can stand tall, lean into the wind and say, "Bring it on, darlin', and don't be stingy with the jalapenos."
MM#209 / JapanJoyful#803
Leslie - the 200 milers up here also start on Thursday with the deadline on Sunday, . . . along with the 150, 100's 50's, mary's etc. that start later.
Roch's birthday!!?? right.
Please give him two or three of them as,
I suppose, he'll be claiming again that
he is still only in his seventies again.
Dave - wow! you guys sure know how to give a new meaning to "trailhead" as we know it out here on the West Coast.
ps Tramps - if your trailhead is anything like Dave's, no need to show a picture of it to those of us who might be little envious.
pps - at least Dave has michigan to know a little about being alone in the wilds.
I don't want to be a downer so, instead of being negative and saying the ophthalmologist appointment to schedule the various eye surgeries I've been putting off since February 2020 when Dr. Quack botched it all up and that's already been rescheduled this year from January to June to September 21 (of which insurance botch up I recounted last week that came to light midstream in the ophthalmoscope or something) but got quickly rescheduled to yesterday with a brand new, Seattle-born ophtho but got cancelled at the front desk because of more insurance questions, I'll be positive and note that it's now rescheduled to October 11. At least Dr. Quack got the insurance right for my left eye and, at least, I didn't have to pay anything for the successful cataract part (or the cornea he completely missed and wanted me to come back again but I wouldn't). Oh well, it was worth a couple of miles exploring more around the area while the EV charged up.
Keeping my fingers crossed for next Tuesday's orthopedic surgeon decis on the knee surgery I really want
ps - everybody's watch batteries must have been made by my car one. At least, you can recharge them at home overnight.,
"Enjoy yourself. Your younger days never come again." 100yo T. Igarashi to me in geta at top of Mt. Fuji (8/2/87)
Lord, Holly. The scenario looks worse and worse. As you are now seeing, he is controlling you with respect to the drinking issue too. He is "watching you" take the pills, and "letting" you drink this weekend? Good lord. You are not his dog or his child. None of that is exactly loving and supportive. if you think you need help with drinking, you should get it, on your own. You may want to consider whether you even go away with him this weekend. But that is your decision.
And, it is cruel in the extreme to make your every expression of concern about your relationship into just a desire to have a drink. Again, if he really was concerned about the drinking piece of this, he would encourage you to get help and would support you in doing that, not get into this weird manipulative workaround.
you've made some good insights into the marriage issues you are having and you are so spot on that your drinking, him supervising your daily pill is yet another power/control/manipulation thing of his.
I can't help but think of Starr and Lonn. They had some similar issues - his drinking - and I can't recall if there was emotional abuse there also, but they separated for some time, sought counseling and I think both together and separate counseling. They sure seemed to have made that time away from each and therapy work and they seem quite happy now. While couples therapy is great, he also needs his own therapy if he's ever going to come to a point of acknowledging his toxic behavior and abuse as well. Because it is NOT just your drinking that is the root of the problems. I would even go out on a limb and say that your drinking is a side effect of the bigger issues going on, of which a lot of it goes right to his emotional abuse and control over you. You could not have another drop of alcohol the rest of your life, but his abuse would likely continue because it's not your occasional drinking that triggers him. The triggers you've described are things that WOULD NOT trigger a normal rational person- taking a walk at night to cool off, not paying a bill on time, etc. Normal healthy people and marriages do not go on a destroying rampages over things like that. and until he owns up to his onus in all this, couples counseling where he will still likely project to a therapist that the problems stem from you, will not change him.
The triggers you've described are things that WOULD NOT trigger a normal rational person- taking a walk at night to cool off, not paying a bill on time, etc. Normal healthy people and marriages do not go on a destroying rampages over things like that. and until he owns up to his onus in all this, couples counseling where he will still likely project to a therapist that the problems stem from you, will not change him.
+1
Holly - sharing your history with alcohol should not make you feel "humiliated." The fact that you feel safe and comfortable enough to share this part of your life with us is a tribute to this great group of people, who want to be here for support and friendship, and not to judge. I have a lot of experience with AA (my dad was an alcoholic, and so was my first husband). Have you given any consideration to going to a meeting? If your DH truly loves you, he's going to try and help you get through this - either with counseling or going to AA meetings with you, not trying to control or threaten you. And if your kids know the whole story (not just what your DH "thinks" they should hear so they think he's the good guy), they should be there to support you too. Please make sure they aren't just getting one side of the story.
I wish - well, I just wish.
You're a great woman Holly. And please don't think you can't continue to share what's going on. There are so many compassionate, loving people on this site who only want good things for you. Take care of yourself!
Holly- what an insightful post. I'm glad you realize how abusive this relationship is. I remember you saying that he didn't want you to run on some of your trips because it was "time away from him" even though you really wanted to run. He is very controlling and knows how to push your buttons to have complete control. He shames you with your alcohol problem. I know it will be a process with either counseling (agree that he needs some serious individual counseling) or a separation, but the big first step is you accepting that you are being abused and controlled in an unacceptable and unhealthy way.
Out there running since dinosaurs roamed the earth
DW - Honey!!!
. . . I just won the lottery!!!
. . . Pack your bags!!
DH - wow!
. . . What should I pack?
DW - I don't care. Just get out
Thanks for the birthday wishes, everyone! Since my DW and I are both recovering from having had COVID, it's been a really low-key occasion so far, but hopefully we'll all be back to near normal when my DS comes over on Sunday and we can have a full family celebration. As I said in a post a few days ago, this whole thing has made me realize that there are some realities about aging that really can't be denied no matter how hard I try!
I've also been following the personal discussions here the last few days and really feel bad for you, Holly. What is going on in your relationship is just not normal and not OK. Please listen to the good advice that others have been giving you and find a way to work this out. I only met you the one time in Charlevoix and enjoyed your company that weekend. You're a great person -- hell, you're one of the original CoolRunning Goddesses! -- and you know that you'll always have our support.
Speaking of my bout with COVID, I'm testing negative now and have been really itching to get outside and do something. I don't think that I got out on my bike at all in September! Unfortunately, we're having a spate of carpy weather so I went to the gym instead this afternoon and did some treadmill walking, stationary bike, and a short round of weight machines. It felt good, but I tired pretty quickly. At least it was something...
Doug, runnin' cycling in Rochester, MI
"Think blue, count two, and look for a red shoe"
One other thought, Holly, then I will be quiet. There are plenty of activities which you an do with friends that don't have to involve alcohol and at which alcohol would not necessarily be expected. Lunch, motorcycle rides, walks etc. And I would encourage you to find some friends of your own to walk or run with, and talk. Isolation is not your friend here, on any of the issues.
Carolyn
Happy birthday, Doug!
I went back to the National Forest trail I ran yesterday, with two friends. The leaves and company were both great.
Holly, sounds like the comments and suggestions from the kind folks here are helping you start to sort things out a little. Hope the counseling helps too!
I hammered down the trail, passing rocks and trees like they were standing still.
Rose Colored Glasses
0529
63 F
5.55 miles running-esque miles.
It was a cool misty Powhatan watershed morning. Oh what am I saying. It was the swamp. I ran through the swamp trails this morning. And loved it as always. My pace is snail like and my right hip will probably not last too much longer. Butt. It might be okay. Because I'm fine carrying on my activities of daily living. So I got that going for me.
We got a lot going for us here, too. Holly, thanks for sharing what you are going through. When you share, it gives others the opportunity to reflect and share, too. I appreciate Jeanne and Mike and Erika and everyone who contributed to yesterday's and today's threads. Tramps, thanks for the sociology point of view. Sociology was my favorite class at the University of Akron way back when.
The owls were hooting out their positions as I padded along the soft trails and wooden bridges and I thought about you, Holly, how you were wondering about friends and what people thought about you and I am so glad folks chimed in with their happy running meetings and mentioned how much they enjoyed your companionship.
We need affirmation some times.
"But it's all right now. I learned my lesson well. You see, you can't please everyone So you got to please yourself"
That played on repeat for a few miles. In my head.
We all seek acceptance and validation of our worth from others but don't we have to like ourselves first? Oh heck. I am awful at this. Do we need to love and accept ourselves the same way we seek love and acceptance from others?
I probably have an over-developed sense of self nowadays. Maybe that's how my old age is manifesting itself!
Doug! Happy Birthday!
So many people here have thoughtful comments and good advice to share, Holly--it certainly sounds like you have a lot of friends here. I hope you can find a way to get to a happier place.
Rose, good to hear you're running!
Twocat, I see the Boston cutoff is 5:29. Your guess was pretty darn close.
5.1 miles for me after a terrible night's sleep. I am looking forward to my day off tomorrow. I need it!